{young girl, old life}

on being a vessel

2012-01-30T15:34:00.000-05:00

written 1-29 to 1-30-12

grief
falls through me,
as sand through the sieve,

and i find
that
some of it is
of a larger grain
than i expected.

it gets caught there,
above my diaphragm.

or maybe i cradle it there,
righteous in my suffering.

either way, some of it sticks,
clumping and riddled with pebbles,

stuck
in the sieve
of my heart,
until i let loose
the flow of fire water,
relax the weave
of my soul,
and let it go.

reflection to rise

2012-01-30T15:30:00.000-05:00

written 1-24-12

a shed,
   a woman,
     a quest toward a whole life.

bugs - yes. work - yes.

but also
frolicking, tall grasses,
fields of goldenrod, wild rose, daisy,
        friends with upturned faces.

but also
a choir at dusk,
the laying on of hands,
the communal nesting instinct
   of forest prey
              remembered
and rejoiced.

pain - yes.
   in the service of a dream.

fear - yes. and
the triumph
    of walking through it,

no matter the posture

and finding yourself brave.

guilt - yes.
at the hands of the eternal patriarch,
solemnly laid to rest once -
    not for all. but he is gone
   from me now,
                   and so -

no

longer

am i the reflection
              the molded shape
                    the cowering brave one
                   with clenched fist
              WAITING to explode.

now
   my time has come,
has fully dawned,
      broken horizon
with cries of joy and lust

            to blaze unburdened
                            over field
                            and pond
                            and forest

restrained by none
       the outflow pure and shimmering
           with all -

rage              joy     utter despair       love
passion     guilt           longing

     and all the bold certainty of

                      the sun.

day forty two

2012-01-30T02:23:00.000-05:00

that's the universal answer, right? to the ultimate question? forty two. i've had a lot of questions in my head lately, a lot of answers, excuses, ideas, and paths laid out before me. this'll probably sound scattered, but since i live in all directions i think it's fitting.

sugar -

i am eating sugar again, though only in the form of 70 or higher % chocolates, ideally (but not always) in very small quantities. there was an evening recently during which i tasted my first reese's since giving up sugar, and it tasted Disgusting. like oil. i could barely taste anything beyond the oil. it was not at all satisfying, much as my subconscious, pleading, addicted self may have wanted it to be. i am ashamed to admit that despite tasting horrible, i still ate the last of my stash, a few pieces at a time, over about two weeks. i also ate a sub type sandwich a few days ago (out of lazy desperation because i hadn't thawed meat and didn't want to go all the way to the grocery store on foot or by bike to get something fresh to cook), my first grains in quite a while. i didn't notice any obvious impacts on my health, but i'm still otherwise sticking to the no sugar, no grains idea, and though i've had starches, i don't eat them often or in great quantity.

addiction -

i find that mostly my desire for sweets is a desire for succor, ritual, an expected and trusted response to stress. but it's really just the process, not even the specific food item anymore - much of the time over the last year or two i have gone through the ritual of preparing a treat only to find i am not very interested in eating it, which ruins the emotional satisfaction of the process. if i could apply the consistency of my addiction to a positive habit, i could accomplish much. i've got a handful of pages on marksdailyapple.com bookmarked for reading later, about common junk foods, their effects on our bodies, ways to transition away from them, etc.

adornment -

i got tattoos recently, on my wrists. they're simple bands of chevrons that have ritual meaning for me, mostly focused on the flow of energy, and serving as a reminder to me that life is dynamic and always moving, and that it requires space for this movement as well as gentle direction, not restriction. the tattoos are a way to keep stagnant energy at bay, and a reminder of my place in the world as one small, single creature. i'm really happy that i had seamus do them for me, and really glad that i have a partner who Does tattoos at all, and especially does them by hand rather than with a gun. these wrist pieces are my second and third tattoos, and i am really pleased that none of them have been done with a machine.

i've also got some adornment plans for the near future - both branding and scarification. i'll share more about them once they actually happen and i can share some pictures with you.

technology -

i've done some more work toward reducing my internet presence, mostly just posting and gathering information, but i did successfully delete two myspace accounts. i re-cancelled netflix after enjoying a month of streaming movies, but don't want to indulge that habit or lose money to it, especially with spring around the corner anyway. i'm consider tumblr as a potential good resource for a space to share words, pictures, and video from one account without having to maintain ties to companies that creep me out. if you have any experiences with or opinions about tumblr, i'd be happy to hear them. my next big steps are to archive various e-mails and conversations and bits of information from the internet into simple computer files, and then eventually choose what to print for safekeeping. i also still want to choose a big handful of photos to print and store for the future, since regular computer access is not something i want for my future, but i Do want my photographic journey stored in some way that i can share with others.

creation -

i made my new journal for the year a few nights ago, and am really fond of it already. it has a new type of spiral binding that i hadn't tried before. i'm looking forward to finding out where i'm at in life by the time this journal is full... i definitely came a long way from the start of the last journal in september of 2010. i'm also glad that this is the third journal i've made by hand. my mind drifts forward to the day when i can look through a shelf full of hand made journals full of dreams, memory, stories, songs, plans, drawings, recipes, trials, and inspiration from years of homesteading.

preparation -

i put in an order with the missouri dept. of conservation for 250 trees. i spent less money on them than last year, which helps my budget a bit, but they were also out of smooth sumac, which i was excited about as a healthy beverage source. hopefully i can figure out a good way to propagate some of the local wild sumac instead. i'm also considering putting in a $300-some order with 'edible landscaping', a nursery in virginia that i know and trust. i'd get only fifty-some plants/trees/canes, but they're all more rare and cultivated things that would be very tasty and would go further toward providing great foods for me than a lot of the natives that i buy from the conservation dept.

scheming -

the weather here has been unseasonably warm, and has me thinking of the dozens of tasks i want to put work into on the land this year. digging post holes and getting more awnings up around the shed, harvesting reed's canary grass for thatching, plastering up the inside of the shed, digging out a winter hut and building a summer hut down by the creek, planting what will one day become living arches over paths and living shelters for gathering and ritual, planting berry canes and strawberries and fencing in more garden space as well as establishing new bed spaces around where my one-day house will be, finalizing a pond location and planning excavation (by hand), planning my Twenty Fifth birthday party, setting up shelter for my chickens and hopefully for dairy goats... you get the idea. lots to do. it's easy to have motivation when i'm stuck indoors and working a job. my deepest hope is that this motivation will carry over into the growing season, and that i will accomplish as many of my dreams as possible this year.

employment -

i've started another part time job, doing web site work for a local company that makes drum carders and wool pickers for folks who process their own fiber. it's exciting work and a good challenge, and should provide enough of a boost to my budget that i can afford the extra trees, and maybe to pay a bit on my student loans. i may also be hired to help a neighbor plant a thousand or so trees, which would give me a comfortable financial cushion that i could really use. it's scary going into my second year on the land and not knowing how well i will stick to my budget, how much i can transition toward sustaining myself on the land (at this point, mostly through growing veggies and having a few eggs, in the future, providing much more thoroughly for my needs), and whether my ultimate annual financial needs can be met in a way that doesn't make me hate my life or the wasting of my hours. since i have been a legal adult and living on my own, i have lived on at Most six-thousand dollars per year (and that, i think, is an overestimate). the past two years i have lived on maybe five thousand per year. this coming year i plan to live on under four thousand, and this year and last a decent chunk of that money was intended for paying off land. if i can provide more and more of my own sustenance year by year, maybe by the time the land is paid off (four years from now?) i will live on so little that it can easily be supplied within the local community. that's my dream and plan, anyway.

numen/power/the sacred -

i spend a lot of time thinking about who i am, how i came to be this way, how i want to be in the future, and how to get there. as a leo through and through, i have a strong sense of justice, of heroic displays, of wanting to lead an epic life. adornment and visuals are a big part of that for me - if i become accustomed to Looking epic, magical, powerful, my ideal of myself, it becomes a more commonplace thought in my existence that i Am those things, and better live up to them by living my best self. every year of thought, study, travel, journaling, food changes, gardening, and struggle has brought me closer to my ideal life and my ideal self. that life/self is one spent as much as possible in 'nature' or outdoors, in close, sacred connection with the land, supporting the land and being supported by it, working magic in my life and the lives of others in a healthy, positive way, and providing for myself as simply as possible so as not to support systems of hate, corruption, and needless death and destruction. it's simple, but not easy, and has turned out to be a long and rather winding path. i feel incredibly blessed to be looking forward to spending most of my year ON that land, feeling a response and even friendship from it, and finding myself still taking steps in the direction of health and an improving ability to walk firmly and courageously toward the dream of my future.

there are probably things i'm forgetting that i meant to include in this post. i'm off from work for the next two days, if i remember more i'll add it, and will also add a few pictures to break up all those long, introspective paragraphs. thanks for reading. i hope you'll comment about where you're at in your journey, if our paths are parallel or crossing. hearing from other seekers is often what keeps me going.

day twenty one.

2012-01-09T18:23:00.002-05:00

twenty one days. i'm going to keep counting from here, but - i ate refined sugar today. i bought two Dark chocolate bars (70 and 85 percent). i ate one square of the 85% bar and it was too much. i should have had half a square. i also tossed a bit of bacon onto my salad without remembering that bacon always has sugar... that was silly.

anyway. the awesome part is that i think it's okay. i'm not having cravings. i eat when i'm hungry, i'm keeping my fat and protein up and my carbs down, and aside from those two days of cravings my moods are still steady. my energy is still steady. i think i'm actually leveling out at a new norm, and it feels good.

the dark dark chocolate is the only 'cheat' i'm allowing. i plan to eat it very slowly and monitor carefully for cravings, mood swings, etc. i think its benefits will outweigh its dangers. i'm still keeping a daily food, calorie, nutrient, etc journal over at mark's daily apple, so if you see me eating a half a bar of chocolate in one day, call me on it. but you know what? i don't think it'll be a problem.

have you fought to overcome an addiction in your life? how did it feel when you started to reach the tipping point?

day EighTeen

2012-01-06T21:47:00.003-05:00

eighteen dayyys and i am doin good. i've been making so much tasty food, and am still good on the no-cravings front. i biked twenty four miles today, drank a half pint of heavy cream when i got home, and feel so perfectly worn out and lovely. the weather was beautiful. at some point here soon i need to back track and start telling the story of my relationship with food from when i was a kid... but that'll take a while. not yet.

anyone else frickin thrilled that heavy cream has no sugar in it? i know i am!

sugar free day sixteen

2012-01-04T23:21:00.002-05:00

hell yeah! that's over a half a month. pick any month, it's more than half! i feel great. have added more fat the last two days and that totally helped with cravings. my housemate says it may also be a magnesium craving since chocolate is a source of it, and i have had cocoa/unsweetened chocolate the last two days while experimenting with primal-friendly snacks. i will probably start doing foot soaks with epsom salts to get some magnesium, too. also, that is another thing dates are good for. so much good information i'm learning.

tomorrow i get to make something tasty with ground pork. yesterday my dinner was hamburgers that i made and cooked up in lamb tallow. they were frickin' delicious. i mixed them with egg, garlic powder, and spinach. YUM. i have never cooked so many consecutive meals for myself in my entire adult life. it's amazing. i was totally afraid of it before, and feeling lazy and not wanting to take care of myself, but the truth is it's kind of a blast. oh, and it helps that the two other adults i live with Love to cook and have all sorts of helpful hints and recipes. heck, their Kids know as many recipes as i did in college. they cook healthy meals for themselves all the time. it's incredible. i am so blessed to be in this house for the winter as far as diet goes. hooraaaay no sugar! and YAY no cravings!!

also, i have been doing bodyweight exercises a few days a week, and they are totally limbering me up. and it's great because there are a bunch of steps to get to each 'essential movement' so you can get a good workout and progress slowly and safely toward actual pull ups, push ups, squats, presses, and planks. i totally have never been able to do a pull up, and i'm really glad to have clear steps that i Can handle to get me there eventually. hooray! once i look more badass i will take videos of me doing awesome workouts so you can see what i'm learning. oh, and in the mean time, here is some of my recent inspiration: team gorilla.

sugar free day fourteen

2012-01-02T21:24:00.000-05:00

missed a day posting. still sick, though feeling better today (thank gods!). yesterday and today both i had sugar cravings in the afternoon and evening, they're driving me nuts. why after twelve days? i have no idea. i wish it were still as easy as those first days... i didn't feel Any desire for sweet stuff. now i'm dreaming of brownie batter, reese's, and ice cream.

i've been reading through the pb forums trying to figure out how others handle this. it sounds like it may be a problem of leptin resistance, or i may just need more fat. i seemed fine after eating cottage cheese yesterday and the day before, maybe i will allow some fattier dairy into my diet and see what happens.

i got nothin else for today. gonna go grumble some more about not eating sugar...

sugar free day twelve

2012-01-01T11:51:00.000-05:00

yesterday was a challenge.

i woke up sick, was called from work as i was getting ready, walked into a Crazy rush, had drippy nose and felt more and more like crap, served slice after slice of pie and watched a new chocolate layer cake get cut and served. i was Hungry at work, and wanted that chocolate cake so badly.

but i made it home, after a six and a half hour shift, and went grocery shopping and got good foods, and was very glad i decided to stay home for new year's eve - i really needed the rest.

long story short - i'm still fine with no sugar. when i am hungry and See conventional sweets, cravings/temptation are more likely. but i'm still fine in avoiding it, in knowing that there is no way i'll consume it. i Do still want to make myself some acceptable dessert. and i am considering, at some mile marker - maybe one month or something, letting myself make some brownies or cookies or something and seeing if i even still enjoy them. a lot of people that follow the primal blueprint lifestyle go 80/20 - which means they follow the guidelines 80% of the time, and 20% they don't. so there are a lot of folks eating out on the weekends and not worrying about it, and they still look and feel good and are moving in the direction they want, losing weight or building muscle or whatever. and i think ultimately i will be able to do that, but i still think sugar is powerful enough for me that i need to be Extra extra cautious about it.

did you do anything special for the new year? do you have any resolutions? i kind of consider from all hallows onward to be 'dying time' and around solstice to be 'gestation time' so i've been letting things decompose and nurturing the things that i want born into my life over a bit longer period - but you could probably still call them resolutions. i'd love to hear what yours are, and how you plan to succeed.

sugar free day eleven

2011-12-31T00:06:00.000-05:00

eleven days. that's almost two weeks! geez. i'm doing fine. i have been thinking of sugary things occasionally (and no wonder, with some folks taunting me and with so much of it around this time of year), but without the urge or necessity of my old cravings. i think sometime in the next week i'll look up some recipes for a tasty treat with honey, sorghum, molasses, maple syrup, or dates and see what i can make for myself.

today i used some nifty online tools to calculate my metabolic rate, caloric needs per day, fat/carbs/protein ratio, and body fat. this is what i found so far:

based on an estimate of 170 pounds, my height, age, gender, and various body measurements...
body fat: 23.7%
lean body weight: 129.7 pounds
metabolic rate: 1606

calories needed per day: 2200-2490 depending on amount of exercise
based on what i've eaten today, i've had:
1,743 calories
113.5g fat
62.9g carbs
126.3g protein

according to the 'primal blueprint' diet, that's a pretty ideal ratio, since i'm supposed to be burning fat as my fuel, staying under 100g of carbs, and getting lots of protein to repair and maintain my body. i'll probably have a handful of nuts and raisins before bed, so my calories will go up some, but are still well under my upper range for the day, which means i Ought to be burning extra.

to find this stuff out, i used this body fat test, which should be accurate give or take 2 percent, and which suggests that 22% is a healthy, normal amount of body fat for a caucasian woman.

i used fitday to track the food that i ate and get the nutrient ratios and caloric totals from all of it,

and i used the harris-benedict equation to find my basic metabolic rate.

and last but not least, here are two articles from mark's daily apple (primal blueprint) about the ideal balance of nutrients and especially the ideal carb intake.

have you measured your protein/carb/fat ratios before? what were you aiming for and why? how did it work out for you? have you ever had your body fat tested, and if so, how? i'm curious what other folks have done!

sugar free day ten

2011-12-30T09:05:00.003-05:00

yesterday was alright. i didn't leave myself enough time for a full breakfast, so i ate some nuts, a few raisins, and some turkey before heading out to work. i was a bit tired at work, but not until i'd been there a little while - a notable difference from Before, when i'd be tired the whole way there and all shift.

it was potluck yesterday, too, so i had grain - mostly because valerie would have hated me for life if i didn't eat her home made tamales. they were totally worth it. i also kind of spaced and got a scoop of brown rice with stuff in it... i shared some with someone else, but also ate some... maybe about 2/3 of a cup. and i had a tiny bit of rum, and 1/2 cup of mead after dinner. but still, no refined sugar. staying strong.

i got some questions and some looks of surprise about my diet at potluck, too. i forgot that i haven't yet sent out an e-mail to community folks nearby saying what i'm doing. i need to do that. i got some taunting (there was ice cream for dessert), some disbelief/possible disagreement, and some support. the best part is, i wasn't really affected by the negatives at all. it was fine seeing milk on the table (i'm skipping dairy for a few days to see how my body feels), ice cream for dessert, and alline's Killer no bake cookies out for munching. in my head i remembered how good those cookies were, but my body was not concerned. not craving. not interested.a total disconnect. i didn't even think this was possible, not to feel physical/emotional about sweets.

the best part of my day came toward the end of potluck, when i got to sing with someone while they played guitar. i love singing, and it's such a pleasure to make music With someone else. it was a rare treat that i hope will be not so rare in the future.

how do you feel about grains? do you love them? hate them? how do they make you feel? do you think certain grains are healthy, or better for you? what's your stance?

sugar free day nine

2011-12-28T22:21:00.000-05:00

nine days already. the first few days i was concerned that my energy was just... steady... and not necessarily up. the next week went by in a flash, and here i am - yesterday afternoon i had a lot of energy, and today - wow! i have felt amped up all day, and it's Wonderful. it's like the high i normally get from sugar and an obsessive/manic mood, minus ALL the negative stuff. i am in love with feeling this good.

still no sugar. had avocado today, that was nice. i love avocados. also a big ass salad with a bunch of good stuff in it. and i cooked up ground chuck roast with veggies for dinner... i feel so frickin adult cooking so many meals for myself in a row. i have never done that before, not to this extent.

i am also happy to say i'm very successfully going grain free... not having any problems/cravings with it so far. oh, and i walked to the grocery store with franny today, and i walked down the baking aisle and it was No Big Deal. crazy! that's crazy talk. i feel like the complete opposite of my former self... i am only buying healthy stuff now, and i used to buy complete junk with maybe one healthy item. i was so ashamed of that behavior. and i feel so proud now.

sugar free day eight

2011-12-28T12:48:00.004-05:00

yesterday was insightful. i forgot to take my dandelion tincture in the morning, was yawning when i got to work. that's definitely having a positive impact on my system. the motherwort tincture, on the other hand, seems to make me wake up more at night, so i've stopped taking that for a few days to see how it goes.

i thawed chicken yesterday because the night before i went to bed still hungry even after a snack, and decided i needed more protein. so i had my normal breakfast yesterday, a bit of cheese as a snack, a dinner with meat, and a second dinner of chicken breast with almond butter and chopped cashews on it. it was tasty =D that definitely helped my hunger, though staying up late i Did start to get hungry again just before i fell asleep. today i'll go to the store and buy more meat, and keep more of it thawed since it seems i'll go through it plenty fast enough.

my energy definitely picked up throughout the day. when i got home from work i had some nervous energy because i had a lot i wanted to do, a long list of things already written down as well as other imminent things happening. but this time (as opposed to almost every other time this happens in my life) i had the clarity of mind to look at my list and start doing things in a quick, efficient, patient manner. i got some exercise, fixed my room up, helped set up a calf hut as the new chicken shelter in our backyard, sent some important e-mails and talked to a friend on the phone that i hadn't caught up with in Months. it felt wonderful.

i actually accomplished a lot in a short amount of time, and had time for a restful evening. it was pretty amazing. i woke up this morning and had breakfast a bit ago, and have already cleaned off the stove (it was Gross), the bathroom sink, and the toilet. my bed is made, franny had breakfast, and i feel amped and ready to go. i am not used to dealing with this kind of energy, it feels like i just did a ritual in circle and need to ground. guess i better get off the computer soon!

also, to give this post a bit more context - i am basically grain free now, and nearly starch free. i had potatoes last night with dinner, and the night before i had some millet and beans because we ate at a friend's house. i still have not had any refined sugar. i feel so good! i'm following the 'primal blueprint' diet/lifestyle more closely bit by bit, which means getting particular kinds of exercise, no grains/starches, low on fruits and dairy, lots of protein and fat, getting out into the sun, going barefoot, etc. to read more about that side of things, check out my primal journal.

what are your energy levels normally like? do you feel steady throughout the day? do you drag through it, pushing with every step? do you feel like you vibrate with momentum? what habits do you have that affect your energy?

sugar free day seven

2011-12-26T23:14:00.004-05:00

holy crap. it's been a WEEK since i ate any refined sugar. i'm pretty certain this has never happened in my entire LIFE. i have always gone through fits and spurts of 'avoiding' sugar, but i still ate ketchup, bread, fruit juice, and all sorts of 'normal' stuff day to day that totally had refined sugar in it. even the seven weeks i spent in michigan eating Super simple, i bought nice chocolate bars and made 'em last a week or two.

but i did it. and i am still alive, and still sane. my energy is steady. not up, but steady. my moods are steady. i feel like i was living in a dramatic production before, whereas now i've got a clear mind and just keep thinking about which things i want to do next. the primal blueprint forums are a huge inspiration, as well as all my housemates and the fact that they wait until i'm gone to eat up the last of their sugary things before we All go sugar free. they're starting in january.

yesterday i actually went to sleep shortly after sunset, and that was pretty awesome. when work and schedule allows, i want to try to pay attention to sunset times and be outside for it, and go to bed shortly after with not much artificial light in between. we'll see how that changes my sleep patterns.

thanks april, for your comment about kombucha. yours sounds very refreshing. the stuff i'm drinking is Nine Months old. my housemate says she uses the girls to know when it's ready... if the youngest or oldest think it's good, then it's still got sugar in it. when the middle child says it's good, there's no sugar left in it. she Loves sour, and has a way high threshold for it. and when She tasted this stuff, she went... 'yeah, it's pretty sour' as i made dog-with-peanut-butter-mouth faces all over the kitchen. once we get new stuff brewing i'm sure it'll be easier for me to handle.

i uploaded a bunch of pictures yesterday and today, you can see them at my flickr page. i'm feeling too lazy to stick a picture on here, though i know i ought to. i also uploaded a bunch of videos, and you can find those over at youtube. some are from last year, even - and i sorted them into 'playlists' - one for franny videos, one for red earth videos. three of them are even from Yesterday! so go take a look.

oh, and on my flickr page the first one you'll see is my 'before' or 'start' picture for my new diet. this is the first time i've done before and after pictures for a dietary change. i've done them for haircuts and stuff, but this feels different. i feel pretty vulnerable about it. have you ever taken before and after pictures for a diet before? what was it like for you, how did it go?

sugar free day six

2011-12-26T11:26:00.001-05:00

day six was great. i spent a good chunk of the day at red earth, scythed some thatch material, hauled cartloads of stuff around, ate well, avoided sugary things at a lovely holiday gathering, and enjoyed a massage trade with a friend. the banana i ate as part of my lunch tasted sweeter and more delicious than a banana has tasted to me in many, many years. i went to sleep shortly after sunset, something i haven't done since september.

i also took some pictures and two videos, which i'll post to flickr and youtube in a bit. i am in the process of uploading 11 older videos to youtube that you can see at my channel.

thanks, kylara, for sharing your grocery store experience. i'm pretty embarrassed that my cravings were overriding my guilt so often and for so long - when i think about it at all, there are Very few items i want to buy from the store, especially around here. it's nice to hear how someone else approaches it, and your habit of mostly avoiding the aisles. i hope you had a good birthday meal =)

day five sugar free

2011-12-24T23:39:00.001-05:00

what can i say? still no sugar. today when i got to work i actually felt Awake and ready to go. most days i am still half asleep, even though i've been awake two hours already. oh, and another thing! my teeth do not feel Gross all the time now that i'm off sugar. i actually forgot to brush them for a day and a half cause they felt fine. so now i have to remind myself - hey, brush your teeth! since i'm not slathering sweets all over my face.

i've been reading more over at mark's daily apple and the primal blueprint forum, and i am feeling confident that i'll move in that direction over the next few weeks. i started a journal in their forum that you can read here: joan's primal blueprint journal.

i went grocery shopping today, and i think it's the first time in... almost a year that i have bought Only healthy, Real foods at the store. that felt good. i almost expected the cashier to do a double take, since they all know me and that i mostly only buy ice cream and chocolate. i did not look her in the eye, though, so maybe she did have a look for me. who knows. it is christmas eve, after all, and they were busy.

had another half cup of kombucha today, this time in the morning. it is so Gross! i hope i end up liking it, cause Man that tastes nasty. and plain yogurt? not my thing. i did Not enjoy my breakfast this morning, but i felt good and had plenty of energy for work, so - . eventually i will like all sorts of healthy foods. as it is, i'm still worlds better than i was at age 18.

when i got home from work today i wanted a snack. i ate some chips, and had popcorn after dinner (dinner was a salad with tomatoes, radishes, and chicken). also my housemate let me try a date, since she says they're good for kicking chocolate cravings. i have always thought i would hate dates. the texture was not nearly as bad as i expected, and the taste was... neutral, so far, i think. may change in the future.

oh, and i'm gonna get one of my housemates to take a 'before' picture of me, so i can see if my overall shape changes with my big diet shift. i think i might be around 170 right now, which is the highest i have ever been. i hit it once before, but came back down. the Lowest i've been was the middle of last year, i dropped to 145 - haven't weighed that much since i was 14! it freaked me out. normally i am 150-155, and if i'm less active i'll scoot up into the 160's. i have been plenty active this year, but i've also been sharing a Lot of meals with the family i live with (when we were at red earth, too), and that means i've been getting a lot of hearty food, good meats and fats. and eating a lot of sugar on Top of that. so i'm interested to see how my weight shifts with still a pretty active lifestyle, no sugar, and better diet overall. we shall see!! =)

where do you do most of your shopping in the grocery store? produce section? boxes? cans? candy? deli? it's amazing how much of the store is full of not-food, but boy did i take advantage of that for the past few years. i'd be interested to hear how you relate to your local grocery store and what you find there.

sugar free day four

2011-12-23T22:31:00.000-05:00

day four is over... and it's been great. i slept poorly last night, but i'm not surprised since i've been using the computer in the dark every night before bed. i won't expect my sleep to regulate until i'm mostly back out of artificial lighting and sleeping in view of moonlight and sunrise.

anyway... no headache today. no mood swings. had a hard time at work staring at cheesecake up for grab for a few hours, but i was busy enough not to dwell on it. i think it's about time for me to prepare some naturally sweetened treats for myself, but i don't know what yet.

my housemate suggests medjool dates and kombucha for kicking myself out of that craving/low energy mood. i drank half a cup of kombucha today that was about nine months old, and BLECH! holy crap it was SOUR and gross. but, i drank it when i was feeling exhausted after a Busy day at work, and twenty minutes later was feeling energized. i think i will do as she recommends, and drink a shot of it every day - at least until she lets me in on brewing fresh stuff and i can keep enough going to have more. apparently after drinking it for about a week straight you start to crave it. i'm looking forward to getting over more stuff that i 'didn't like' before.

i finally relocated the bag of reese's that were next to my bed. i'd been seeing them every day, but that was kind of a good thing. i was worried that if i didn't feel like i had access i'd freak out and break my commitment. but having them nearby and seeing them as a distraction, and choosing to move on to something else, was a good practice. i think i'm over it enough now that they'll be fine up on a high shelf in the kitchen.

i chopped chard and spinach into my scrambled eggs this morning, which is good cause i bought it expressly for that purpose a while ago and had been opting for fast eggs and cheese instead of taking the time to include meats and veggies. i need way more vegetables in my diet, especially darker leafy greens.

i'm feeling more emotionally steady today, too. what a nice feeling. the 'ups' are definitely still possible, but the dips and dives are smoothing out. i am excited to be incrementally adding bits of the primal blueprint guidelines in with my no sugar routines. it gives me exciting new foods to focus on and how to include them.

i think the main lack that i'm seeing right now, which has often been my main complaint with myself when i'm off sugar (for a few hours or a few days), is my lack of productivity. sure, i went to work and did that fine, but when i eat sugar often i go at warp speed and get Crazy amounts of things done. i want to feel like that All the time. and i'm hoping that will slowly come back once my body is done detoxing.

my one other question right now is - should i even keep breads in my diet at this point? i feel like most of them contain some sugar anyway these days, aside from the fact that they act the same way in my body. so maybe i should just kick them out now while the going seems to be easy, and hold firm on the rest - meats, veggies, nuts, other animal products, fruits... no pastas, breads, maybe even no beans soon. i just need to get to cooking more than just my breakfast. guess it's time to clean the kitchen.

do you drink kombucha? what do you think about it? have you gone without bread or carbs or gluten? how did you do it, and how did your body respond? i'd like to know!

sugar free day 3

2011-12-22T23:47:00.002-05:00

i can't believe day three is already over, and i feel fine. no headache, no mood swings. my energy isn't great, but it's steady at least. i've been thinking about sugar longingly a few times a day, but i have been surprisingly successful in distracting myself and moving on to something else.

i spent last night and some of tonight reading various information over at mark's daily apple, and just registered at the forum there in the hopes that i'll find some specific support.

one of my relatives asked on facebook why i am giving up sugar, and while i expect to get to the long version over time, here is the quick and dirty version:

i'm giving up sugar because it is one thing that i am really addicted to, in a way that is beyond my control and scary, and massively unhealthy. as of a few days ago i was probably spending half my food money on junk (chocolate, ice cream, etc), and was eating at Least five ounces of chocolate/sugar a day, if not over a pound, in the form of candies, ice cream, cookie dough, brownie batter, etc.

it has been wreaking havoc with my energy levels and moods for a long time, and i am fed up with the feeling of 'needing' it, and the embarrassment of my now Over the top habits when others would see them more than once or twice. i should not be embarrassed about how i eat around my friends.

so, all in all - it was freaking me out, and though i have tried to change many times over the past handful of years, i was never able to do it alone, or with just one or two people helping. so this time, i'm asking Everyone. and it's day three and it's going beautifully.

i am surprised at the lack of drama in my days now that there's not 'the sugar question' in the back of my head. it usually went something like...

"i feel bored/upset/frustrated/lonely"

"ooh, there's chocolate... i should eat some chocolate"

"chocolate is good"

"i'm eating chocolate... and my housemates know, and i'm eating a lot, and i do it all the time, and that's a lot of wrappers... i don't want to live like this. this is bad for me. i'll stop for now."

several hours later, repeat. several years of that and my self esteem is pretty frickin shot in that arena. i hope that my energy levels slowly and Steadily rise, because these dull, even days, while better than roller coaster days, are not so great. i would like to have lots of energy that i feel Good about having, and motivation to do the things i want to do. if i don't start feeling it just from cutting out sugar, i will probably try working in the primal blueprint diet and see how that goes.

does anyone else get stuck in these vicious, dramatic addiction loops? it's horrible, but it's something to cling to when you're terrified of being left with nothing. how do you feel about yours? what do you/have you done about them?

sugar free day 2

2011-12-21T20:10:00.000-05:00

i was in a Bad mood for most of today, not for any noticeable Logical reason. no headache or other physical reaction to speak of, although i did feel generally at an energetic bottom line. not exhausted, but not 'up' or excited at all. i should mention that for about two weeks now i've been taking dandelion tincture in the mornings for energy and general immune boosting, and motherwort tincture in the evenings for restful sleep and emotional support.

i'm watching an hour and a half long youtube video on sugar in its various forms and their effects on the body, as well as the political and economical players that affect common diets and health. it was another recommendation from a friend via facebook, and you can watch it here: sugar: the bitter truth.

another friend recommended cinnamon as a common helper in lowering sugar cravings. i don't really like cinnamon, but i'm thinking about ways to include it that i would enjoy. any ideas?

another friend recommended stevia in the raw, which i'll check for at the grocery store in the city an hour away if i don't find it here.

i requested two books from the library to see if they can get them on interlibrary loan. i want to send out an e-mail to the tri-communities in this area to see if anyone has resources there.

i think i'll end the evening by reading the 'start here' information over at mark's daily apple. i'm excited to have support and resources available to move toward the type of lifestyle that i've been dreaming of for years. thanks everyone for your suggestions, your shared experiences, your similar and various struggles. it makes all the difference in the world to me.

sugar free day 1

2011-12-20T19:43:00.002-05:00

today went fine. i'm considering myself to have officially 'started' by noon today, since this morning i finished up the last of some vanilla yogurt that i didn't want to go to waste. the rest of my current chocolate stash (reese's, half a pint of ben and jerry's, brownie mix) will go untouched until the end of february. i may just hide it so i don't have to look at any of it, or i may give it away, or even compost it if i get into a fit of anti-sugar frenzy. sometimes i do that.

i didn't have a headache today, and had a banana as a late afternoon snack. i thought of chocolate when i got bored, but figured out other stuff to keep myself busy instead.

with my first posts about this journey on facebook i've gotten a lot of recommendations. here they are, for your perusal and consideration. i'd love to hear if you have any suggestions!

signs of the times - http://www.sott.net/ and particularly their diet and health section of the forum - http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/board,32.0.html?PHPSESSID=898477e9236f448898a63aad9f33739e

mark's daily apple - http://www.marksdailyapple.com

the weston a. price foundation - http://www.westonaprice.org (along with 'nourishing traditions')

book, 'the pleasure trap' - http://www.amazon.com/Pleasure-Trap-Douglas-J-Lisle/dp/1570671974/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324418141&sr=8-1

book, 'good calories, bad calories' - http://www.amazon.com/Good-Calories-Bad-Challenging-Conventional/dp/1400040787

the paleo diet - http://thepaleodiet.com/

paleo 2.0 - http://www.archevore.com/panu-weblog/2011/3/30/paleo-20-a-diet-manifesto.html and http://huntgatherlove.com/content/paleo-20-rational-response-inanity

addiction revisited, part 2

2011-12-20T00:30:00.000-05:00

i want to write a lot more about my struggle to eat healthily over the last five years, but i don't have the energy for it right now. so instead of getting bogged down in back story, i'll share this:

i have decided that i won't eat any refined sugar for two months.

i think two months is long enough to feel the effect of this change on my energy, mood, physical health in general, menstrual cycle, etc. and while i have tried many things in recent years to change my relationship to sugar, i have always caved and gone back to binge eating sweets.

the sad fact is, i am Completely sick and tired of it. i'm ashamed of myself, and embarrassed, and i'm wasting my money, and i'm a bad influence on the young people in my life, and i can't handle that for much longer. and if i don't tell people what i'm doing, i won't stick to it.

so - here's where you come in. if you're reading this, and you see me in person or online, or send me any messages, Please say something about my commitment to go two months without refined sugar. please do not say judgmental things or negative things about how i have been, because that's likely to make this harder to handle. i need all the support i can get. i cannot face this addiction on my own.

i will do my best to blog about this decision every day, to share how it's making me feel and what effect i'm seeing physically or mentally. i already spent most of today with a withdrawal headache, something i am not used to. so as much as possible, i want to stay Out of my own head with this battle, to have people asking me about it and talking about it so that i can process through it and keep taking one step forward at a time. i hope you will help.

thanks,

joan

addiction revisited

2011-12-19T13:23:00.001-05:00

i'm pretty sure i've come out of the closet on this before - i am addicted to sugar. and presumably fossil fuels, and possibly sleep though i think i'm getting better at that one. i've been addicted to sugar for most of my life. it served a distinct purpose when i was younger - it was an escape, an emotional safe haven that i paired with reading fiction to surround myself with comfort when the atmosphere in our house felt hostile.

once i was old enough to realize that not everyone had a massive ice cream sundae every afternoon, i took the offensive in heading off any opposition to my sugar habits by claiming it as a trait. eating sweets is decently supported in our culture, after all, so i tried to hold the stance that it was a positive thing, something i enjoyed, something fun.

by the time i hit puberty i knew big change was needed. i wasn't ready to or interested in cutting out sugar, but i wasn't eating any fruits or vegetables (almost literally... i ate potatoes and corn, and the rare apple or banana, but that was It. seriously). i started doing weight watchers programs with my Mom not to lose weight, but because there was a required number of servings of fruits and vegetables every day. that brought me to eat my first salad, asparagus, and not much else. but it was the beginning of a solid effort.

the next big push was during high school, when my Mom and i both did a month long detox program passed on by her vegetarian friend. we ate nothing but fruit for an entire week, and though i was predictably Angry most of that week, my body felt incredible. the second week we added different vegetables bit by bit. the third week, grains. the fourth week, meat and dairy could be added. i remember rejoicing at my first baked potato, how Solid it felt. i remember that at the end, the first unnatural food i ate was a bag of doritos. i could taste every artificial flavor in that bag, and it felt Strange.

into college i went, still struggling with severely limited options every time i went out to eat, or even tried to eat at the school cafeteria. i felt so strongly about my dislike of vegetables that i had a gag reflex any time i tried to eat them. i ate meat, potatoes, and chocolate milk almost every one of my meals in the dining hall. at restaurants? chicken nuggets. plain chicken sandwiches. french fries. other forms of potato. no garnish, please. no, i don't want the sauce with spices or ground vegetables. no, i don't want the salad that comes with that, someone else can eat it. Yes, i would love to see a dessert menu - from which i would pick out the item with the most chocolate and devour it happily.

another aspect of this journey that i should mention is that i have never been officially overweight. i apparently have a strong metabolism. i was a bit chubby as a small child, but by 9 i put on height and thinned out, and since then have been a healthy weight for my height. i think weight perceptions have a huge impact on how we are judged in society. if you're considered skinny, the looks you get when you down a large milkshake may be more of surprise than of disgust. for me, this makes dealing with sugar addiction even more difficult. it's a strong enough problem that i Need to be surrounded by reprimands, or ostracized, or made to react in some way to the idea that what i'm doing is Unhealthy and ought to Change. i can't do it on my own.

in the interest of not making this a monumentally long post, i think i'll consider this the end of 'part 1'. thanks for reading. if you are or have struggled with addictions to things our culture generally approves of, i'd love to hear your insights. it's not something i (or i imagine most other folks) want to face alone.

town life

2011-11-23T11:28:00.000-05:00

my bed 'room' with privacy curtain

i've been living in town for six weeks now, and it seems like by now i ought to share with you some of what it's like to be back 'indoors'. the house we're in is pretty shabby, but bigger than the shed by a lot, and reliably weather proof. having internet access is nice, and steady electricity even on cloudy days. we have county water, but filter it through our berkey water filters (mine sits on a lower shelf so the girls can fill their glasses without help). we have a toilet, but we don't use it... we use a bucket toilet instead, and empty it once or twice a week into the bins at my place. we also compost our food scraps and bring them to my land to compost as well.

a couple planks sitting on end tables
and buckets, covered in fabric, provide
covered shelving for all my stuff -
as well as a bit of altar space

the stove is one the family already had, and runs on propane. we keep our heat at a luxurious 61-63. and while we use electric lighting, we also get decent sunlight through the windows during the day.

my clothes got an extra rinse yesterday
in the rain

there's a hoop house out back with transplanted and fall-sown greens, as well as a cold frame where we'll be stratifying seeds soon for spring planting. and, between two trees in the side yard, are two clotheslines, since our combined laundry setups sit under the carport and we all do laundry by hand.

we ordered chickens a few weeks ago.
they live in a stock tank in the mud room,
and are way cute!

all in all, i'm pretty happy with most of our 'house' habits. it's nice to have some luxury while i'm doing paid work and while it's cold out. it definitely makes it easier for me to be productive, having tables and electricity around. i can't wait until we have one of our treadle sewing machines up and running. sharing a kitchen and meals is wonderful, as well as combining bulk food stores for the winter.


the 'resource yard' - tool shed, bike shed, recycling center, laundry room...

oh, and then there's the 'resource yard' under the carport... it serves as tool shed, laundry room, recycling center, bike shed, and more, especially after we've just been to an auction. you can see some of the fencing we scored recently, along with big hickory logs that jack is shaping into a shaving horse. we cut them at the conservation area nearby along with a bunch of firewood.

dreadlocks update

2011-11-20T00:10:00.000-05:00

my dreads have been in for eight months now. i've changed tactic a lot since i first put them in, and it seems a ripe time to share some of those decisions with you. especially since i've checked my stats tab and it seems like the biggest reason people come to my blog from search engines is to look up dread information. so -

for those of you who don't know me personally or haven't read the original dreads post, you should know: i have very silky, medium thickness hair. it never tangles on its own.

fresh dreads done with 'twist and rip' method, no rubber bands

securing dread ends:

one month in, no rubber bands, loong tails

for the first few months, i chose not to use rubber bands. i didn't want to buy things to make my dreads, and i didn't want to either 1) leave them in and let them rot in my dreads, or 2) have to use even more by taking them out and replacing them before they rotted. as a result, my dreads repeatedly came undone. the dreads that were back combed tended to stay in better than those done with twist and rip, but in general All the dreads around the edges of my scalp came undone multiple times.

two months in, dreading happening on its own for some, loosening for others - still no rubber bands

so sometime in late spring i put rubber bands in my hair. i've been taking them out slowly. some i took out too early, and some of those dreads came undone. some didn't. i was as displeased with rubber bands in my hair as i thought i would be. then i realized that they weren't the only 'binding' material i could use... i had taken to yanking out a suitable weed from the ground when i was without a ponytail, and would strip and bend up stems to tie my hair up. that got me thinking of alternatives, and

five months in, rubber bands added. still some loose, long tails.

i started wrapping the ends of my dreads with embroidery floss. it Is a bought material, but i had it on hand already, and it could also be done with home made cordage. i have also wrapped a few with wool that i spun by hand, which i think is a pretty sustainable option. only a few wraps have come out, and they stay in long enough that the dreads are tight by the time the wraps loosen up at All. and while the colors may fade slightly, so far they aren't getting gross like the rubber bands do.

six months in, wraps w/ cotton and wool thread. still some rubber bands. long tails, but tighter dreads.

twist and rip:

seems to come undone more easily than back combed dreads, at least for my hair type when done in pretty small dreads. i recommend wrapping the ends of small, silky, twist and rip dreads so they don't come undone. i am still happy with this method for ease, speed, and lack of tools required.

separating:

a week seems to be the longest i can safely go without separating my dreads. they like to knot up at the base quite a bit, especially if my hair is almost always in a ponytail and bandanna (which it is for work) or a hat. i wish i had sectioned more carefully so there was less cross over knotting from dread to dread.

yay, happy dreads!

crocheting:

the family i'm living with right now has three little girls, and two of them have been considering dreadlocks for a while. their mom looked up various information online, and she seems pretty set on crocheting their dreads if they choose to go for them at all. maybe because she's a fiber geek and is already familiar with crochet hooks. her research seems to suggest crocheting is the best method, and it makes me wonder if there are different ways of crocheting, since i've heard bad stories about it. regardless, i Have used her crochet hook (a TINY one, though not as tiny as recommended - 1.4mm) lately to tighten up some of my Super loose roots (some were loose for 3, 4 inches) and neaten up some of my dreads that had a bunch of loose bits along them. in practice it doesn't seem too different to me than back combing or twist and rip, except that the hook can pull lower bits of hair Up into hair closer to the root, whereas the other two methods only work from the base out. i guess time will tell more how i feel about crocheting...

massive photo updates

2011-11-18T17:07:00.001-05:00

99% of what i would like to have uploaded to flickr is there, labeled, and sorted into sets by season. about half of it was there already but partially out of order and wholly unlabeled. so, if you are a visual person and curious, here is my last ten months:

virginia, winter 2010-2011

virginia, spring 2011

georgia trip, spring 2011

red earth, spring 2011

red earth, summer 2011

red earth, autumn 2011

memphis, autumn 2011

henna 2011

knotty girl dreads

autumn descending

2011-11-18T16:50:00.002-05:00

i'm in the process of labeling the twenty two pages of photos on flickr that i have uploaded since i've been in missouri this year. and since my last post was only about technology (and i totally forgot something in that one - i have to go back and edit it), i thought i ought to post a general update.

some exciting things since august - i carved a pair of gauged earrings for myself out of black walnut. i'd never done this fancy of carving before, and am really pleased with how it turned out. my friend jacob at dancing rabbit was a huge help and my main inspiration, since i got to watch him carving wooden beads by hand many nights in the common house. it took 7-9 hours to make this pair, and i imagine it would go faster in the future since this was my first time. i did a bit of research on where all those beautiful wooden gauged earrings you find in online stores are from... some, at least, look like they are hand carved by folks in thailand who somehow earn a living wage even though the earrings sell for twenty some dollars a pair. i'm sure they're way faster than me. i'm also glad i decided to carve mine, so i know i can do it. i might carve more to add to my etsy shop, and see if folks show interest in earrings carved closer to home out of native woods.

land updates - the barrel cover sides are done. i still need to make a cover.

i also made an awning frame out of willow and osage, and started thatching. it's going well so far even though reed's canary grass is not an ideal thatch material.

i am in love with the way the awning frame looks.

jack brush hogged a good bit of my land a few weeks ago, mostly the 'nook' area that faces southeast and the small northern slope next to the road. it reveals the contours of the site really well, and ought to help cut down on biomass and make it easier to plant, plan, and build there next year.

we got a fall garden put in, though grasshoppers ate all our carrot seedlings, some of our root crops, and all of our lettuces. the other greens (kale, mustards, arugula, etc) are doing well though, and the garlic looks good despite some taste trials by various critters and the first frosts. we planted 'music' and 'western rose' varieties as well as egyptian walking onions and wild garlic.

as of the first few days of october, i'm living in a house in memphis that i'm sharing with another family from red earth. we'll probably rent until april. i've got a job as dishwasher/prep cook/waitress at the main street cafe just a block and a half away, and franny is enjoying the bike rides despite the fact that she's inside nearly all the time now. i have a little bed area with a curtain around it and a cool fabric covered shelf that i made for my things, and am really enjoying biking on pavement over the gravel roads of rutledge. easier access to grocery stores is good and bad... it's never a good thing for me to have easy access to junk food, but it Is nice to be able to hop on my bike and grab ingredients for a fresh, tasty meal. there are a lot of folks in town with gardens and chickens, horses, cows, and even an alpaca. most gardens are frosted out now, but we've got a little hoop house in the backyard with greens both sown and transplanted, and will soon have baby chickens in there as well.

since being in the house i haven't done much except organize my stuff and work. i have started working on calendars again, but it took awhile because my computer situation was so crazy. it's nice having internet. i missed web comics! i bought a pair of heavy duty headphones - they are my escape when the kids are too loud and i need help focusing. i love working with music or a movie playing into my ears, something i miss at red earth when i'm feeling misdirected and ambivalent.

frickin technology.

2011-10-26T17:27:00.001-04:00

i finally (fingers crossed) have steady internet access here in town. i have shredded my scruples and set aside a linux os for windows xp after driver updates, software updates, and other gallant attempts to make fedora believe that my wireless card works, which windows seems to have no problem with. hopefully soon i will magically have photoshop again so that i can functionally work on my calendars, since gimp does not yet agree with me and i have calendars long overdue.

i have struggled to use my printer since late spring, which has finally culminated in a month's time spent acquiring various color ink cartridges via small local store and the internet, which is surprisingly tricky with paypal as my only source of fake money.

my usb drives, which until this past winter were the keepers of all my digital information, have somehow magically deleted about half of my music files, and the largest drive had the plastic casing broken off by a four year old, so i now have to hold it precisely in place while using it.

my camera still functions well, though i still have to hold the battery door shut with a vengeance to keep it turned on.

my phone continues to be semi-functional. it's latest quirk, aside from a pathetic battery life and occasional screen freezes, is refusing to acknowledge the button for speakerphone. instead, it chooses to turn speakerphone on and off at various times when i open or close my phone.

i also have a solar/hand crank radio that was brand new this spring and the antenna has already partially broken off (with a surprisingly small amount of applied force) and the clock on it likes to decide on its Own what time it is... and let me tell you, it's not followin the sun.

my small solar battery charger still works okay... but since i lost the one adapter that would connect it to both my phone and camera, it'll be of no use anytime soon.

and that, my friends, is the current sad state of my electronic capabilities. if i had any money or a heart that longed more for functioning technology than a world in which it didn't exist, i might actually buy new or at least more practical tech-ware. as it is, this is where i shall stay, and hopefully will accomplish more this winter than i have over the last six months out on the land.

i look forward to actually labeling the last eleven pages of photos on my flickr account, finishing uploads from the last few months including several videos, updating and adding to my etsy shop, and getting a year ahead and more with my spiral moon calendars.

other updates later.

mostly through summer

2011-08-31T14:17:00.000-04:00

summer seems to have flown by. it's about to be september and i can't believe it. this was my first time being on the land in august at all - it's such a treat to meet the land in new guises, to walk the northern slope and watch the progression of blooms. from wintercress and the first yarrow to wild bergamot, black eyed susan, chicory, queen anne's lace and sunflowers, to the newly opened goldenrod, agrimony, and vervain... i have had so many beautiful views to soak up and such wonderful harvests for herbal medicines.

yesterday i started two jars of goldenrod vinegar and hung up bunches of boneset and agrimony to dry. the goldenrod vinegar is supposed to be really tasty, as well as great for strong bones, a healthy heart, and stable emotional health. the boneset as an infusion will fight off flu come autumn, and the agrimony makes a medicinal brew that supports kidneys and urinary function as well as a smattering of other minor health complaints.

i've eaten my first handful of ripe tomatoes from my gardens, and the hornworms tried to get a meal out of them, too. luckily the walter girls picked 'em all off for me. the cabbage loopers got all my greens, and i'm about to sow a late-ish fall garden to see if i can't bring in a good harvest of greens and roots for the late fall and winter. i'll also be putting in a decent amount of garlic. my corn got nowhere, same for my squashes. i think this was mostly due to the complete lack of rain through july (and high heat - lots of days over 100).

august has been significantly more pleasant - i actually comfortably wore a long sleeve shirt yesterday and enjoyed a three mile walk home from the general store in the rain. i am really enjoying the sneak preview of autumn weather.

my rain barrels are looking pretty fancy lately with a reed grass cover to keep them out of the sun, and my northern awning frame is up and temporarily covered with burlap sacks. it's a thrill to see changes happening around my place. i'm solidifying plans to stay for the winter and am really frickin excited about that eventuality. i can't wait to see the land covered in snow, dying down and coming back in march and april.

also, i am officially a member at red earth now! that's a big milestone for me. and i just submitted my land use plan for approval, which will give me the freedom to pursue any of my various projects without waiting for individual permissions. full steam ahead!

for as-yet unlabeled photos of all this progress, check out my summer photo set on flickr.

heat-breaking moon

2011-07-24T21:23:00.001-04:00

a mild day
                unexpectedly blooms
        beyond a fortnight of sunfire,
the midst of summer   parted
    by your chess player's hands,
your silken form.

heat breaks into obeisance
as to a goddess blazing,
                                     as you do,
                                                    shyly-
               yet still mocking
                    of those     marble maidens,
            war-clad or otherwise.

i recline in the surety
                   of
                     their resentment
as you lean, lithe and resplendent,
back into the moonlight,
                into the candle light,
                       into the dawn light-

your loosening into pleasure
                       a shedding
           of that shy skin.
now
with a layer's descent
      you glow,

and the sun retreats
       into mild-mannered decency,
gainsaid at long last
                  midst these blazing days,
                             this blazing goddess,
flushed and frenzied moonlight,
                      our sweat a new salt lake;
all foreign, sky-flung founts of heat
                                                       forgotten.

poem to risa, 6/12/11

2011-07-24T21:14:00.000-04:00

my silence drags long
      like a hibernation
                     though
the truth of it is more
     in the         vein of a butterfly
focused intent             at times       erratic
with only brief experiments
                                         in rest -

that's a lie.
i sleep
          like the frogs must sleep
after a long concert.

my nights aside
                  i think of you
         and
wither at my distraction
                                and hope
                       this note serves
                as antidote

that your days
                        like mine
are full           of

marigold sprouts
the frogs in chorus
a canvas of clouds
the warm spark of love and friendship
and a clear voice
           lifted
      in like praise.

summer solstice

2011-06-30T20:54:00.000-04:00

still here, still doing alright. have been sick and/or bleeding and/or super busy most of the last two weeks, so while i've been socially productive and doing my body well with a lot of sleep, i haven't felt very productive physically.

i had a great work trade day with dylan a few days ago, we got my main garden weeded, put doors on my pantry, and worked on the floor quite a bit.

land day, which is red earth's celebration of the day they got their land, falls on the solstice and was a big hit. i organized games for the kids and later for some adults (relay race, sack race, wild edibles hunt, wheelbarrow race...) and made little stamped notebooks for the kids who joined in as a prize. the after dinner part of the party happened at my place, so i got a lot of folks to come visit who wouldn't normally make the trip - it was a sight to see a few dozen folks all parading around red earth, crossing the creek at the road, carrying their instruments and the chairs and dishes i had brought over for the main party at gooseberry and firewood for the bonfire.

i've started sharing two meals a week with the walters - you'll see pictures of their girls on my flickr set. i have a great time hanging out with them, braiding their hair and doing henna and letting franny play with their old dog huck(leberry). they like to climb on me and act ridiculous with me, and i'm really happy to have a whole family of friends to spend time with.

i also enjoyed a great weekend at dancing rabbit, since community friends gunter and korah came for three days to lead dance workshops. i took classes in tango, swing, and salsa, as well as tango for blues (there are regular blues classes already at d.r. so there's a lot of interest in that). i really appreciated a basic class on partner dance skills, since belly dance has left me with moves that are great in a troupe or solo, but a bit trickier to work out smoothly with a partner. there's a good bit of interest in me teaching belly dance here as well, so i've got to work out how i'll teach it and get that going. it feels good to have folks desiring things that i can happily offer.

well, i've got to go - i'm setting up my printer at gooseberry since theirs is on its last leg, so now we can share the use of mine and we can all be happy. then i'm off to queer movie night at dancing rabbit, which is always a pleasure - couches, friends, a story, and often massage trades or cuddle piles by the end of the night.

having friends to share massage and cuddles is, i'm finding, a staple for me if i'm to continue living surrounded by bugs in an open shed all summer. neither of my two bed options are comfortable, the bugs are incessant, and every pond is a hike away - but hangout time, a spray bottle full of peppermint water, and a solar shower full of cool rain water straight from the barrel are keeping me afloat. it's an important balance to master if i want to stay productive enough to significantly improve my living situation. i have dreams of a summer hut with a thatched roof and burlap walls and a woven willow floor that can keep out bugs and let in breezes.

hope you've got cool breezes, nice shade, and good friends to pass the hours with wherever you are. i'd love to hear from you, whether you post here, call, e-mail, or come by for a visit. happy summer!

photos from spring are at my flickr page.

one month in

2011-05-19T18:48:00.000-04:00

i've been here over a month, and am still happy to be here. i would be really lonely and sad if franny weren't with me. she is someone to talk to and make faces at and go on walks with all the time and it's great.

the biggest hindrance to progress is the way i go about things - since i'm trying to avoid spending money, when i want to start a project everything takes way longer - gathering salvaged materials, sharing rides to town, finding the tools i need for cheap or borrowing them - all these things take figuring out, networking, waiting for the right day, and then finally putting things together at the end.

that said, my floor is coming along. the pallets i'm using had square bit screws, which has been a major hassle. i'm almost finished making a wash counter, and i have a bunch of measurements and sketches and a materials list for my awnings. i think i'll thatch the awnings and use the burlap for roll-up walls.

still finding it hard to curb my not-healthy food desires while here. it'll be easier when there are tomatoes and peppers in the garden, and salad greens. i'm only growing things that i'm excited to eat.

living here is still proving to be the happiest living situation i've ever been in. there are still ups and downs every couple of days, but i have plenty of space to be 'down', sleep in, slack off, and then get back to work on my own time without hard feelings. poor moods pass quickly when there's no one to indulge them. and they come less often than in other living situations.

one month down, five to go. better get off the computer and hang out with franny, heat up my food for potluck. hopefully your gardens are prospering, your mood is flying high, and your friends are near.

at red earth again

2011-04-28T18:42:00.000-04:00

i am at red earth again! it's wonderful. i am sleeping 11-12 hours a night, snuggling with franny (the pup) when it's cold, working a couple hours each day, visiting with friends and neighbors, enjoying potlucks, and getting the garden going.

i have seedlings in the garden and some in a neighbor's greenhouse. the whole garden is fenced and mulched. my three sided shed has a fourth wall made of tarps, a little awning outside to protect some of my larger tools, and beans seeded along a trellis on the south side for sun protection in the summer.

i just got a bunch of pallets from town (thanks to the walters and tom, dan, and tereza for their support in the trips) which i'll make a floor out of, and later a wall and bed platform once i get a few more. there's mulch on the shed floor right now, and franny and i sleep on a fold out cot. i also just got propane, so i can cook my food rather than eating from the cooler. it's good for my health to have to walk three miles to the nearest milkshake.

all my bulk foods are put away safely in a metal barrel or in jars on my pantry, which will get closed in in the next few days to keep the mice out and keep things from falling.

it's been pretty wet here, but today is nice (30mph winds!) and dry and sunny. i've done my first load of laundry, made popcorn already, and in general am settling in well. franny is doing great. i love the freedom and the support i'm feeling from other folks in the tri-communities. more updates (including videos & pictures) next week when i am at a computer again. now that it's sunny i ought to be able to charge more batteries for camera use. hooray for mini solar!

dreadlocks

2011-03-16T13:57:00.001-04:00

for those of you who follow me on facebook (or in real life), you know i've spent the last few weeks dreading my hair. i had dreads once before, from october 2007 - late april 2009, but i never finished the very front. this time i'm dreaded 100%, and i love it! i've chosen dreadlocks because they're a hair style that won't look greasy after only a few days, will keep flyaway hairs out of my eyes, will help me look like an awesome wild woman, and in general will require less materials, time, and energy to clean and maintain.

for anyone who's interested, i've written out my understanding of dreading hair so far, based on having back combed dreads in the past and using back comb and twist and rip methods to dread my hair again in the past few weeks.

last time i dreaded my hair i left the very front un-dreaded. 80% or more of my hair was dreaded in this photo. when in a ponytail, you almost couldn't tell i had dreads. fooled my grandma every time.

before you start

think about your hair type and choose a method. depending on your job/situation you may want to do all your dreads in one sitting, in which case it helps to have a couple friends over to watch movies for a while so you have extra hands to help. time-wise, i have heard of folks who have dreaded their hair in one afternoon/evening With friends. i've also heard reports of people doing it by themselves in a total of 13 or so hours spread out over a week or so. i did mine over the course of two weeks, spending anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours on them whenever i had the energy for it. the last time i had dreads, i was much more casual about it, adding a dread here or there every few weeks.

it's good to section your hair off to make the dreads easier to start. they don't have to be exact squares, but the easier it is for hair from one section to accidentally cross over into another, the more of a pain in the ass your dreads will be later. you can use little rubber bands to section them off, or you can braid each little section to keep it out of the way while you dread everything up.

it doesn't matter whether your hair is wet or dry ultimately, while dreading. if you have a preference, go for it.

dreads often look pretty crazy when they're first created, especially if you back comb. they calm down, though.

methods

salon dreading - involves creepy chemicals and a 'dread perm' and costs money. screw that!

crocheting - can be used to tuck in loose strands of hair later, or can be used to completely dread hair. this can be pretty damaging, and i've never done it before. supposedly it's a pain because when you push the crochet hook Into a dread to tuck hairs in, it'll just loosen other ones that you'll have to deal with later.

twisting - folks with kinky/african-american hair can just twist and twist and twist a lock of hair and then use little clamps for 1-8 hours to get it to hold tight. since i'm white, i have no experience with this, but have talked to a friend who dreaded his hair that way. looks nice.

back combing - this is how i dreaded my hair last time, and partially this time. it's really easy, but does cause some damage to your hair. you use a fine toothed comb and, while slowly twisting a lock of hair, comb backwards starting at the base until you meet resistance from the hair knotting up. then you just work your way up the dread until there's an inch or two left. you can look up details and videos online. back combing creates dreads that are pretty fuzzy at first, and you can palm roll them to calm 'em down. they also calm down on their own later. in my experience you don't have to be rough when back combing, so it doesn't hurt and seems to work fine even with silky/straight hair.

twist and rip dreads look like fuzzy braids for a while.

twist and rip - i did half my head using this method this time around. i think it's the least damaging way to dread hair. you hold a lock, split it in half, and separate the halves, pulling down to the base of the hairs. then lay one half over the other and take two different halves (this is the 'twist' - you twist the lock so that when you halve it, you get different hairs in each half than you had the first time) and pull apart again. this knots your hair on itself over and over again, creating a tight dread that will look braided for a while. this works great for small dreads, and presumably for larger ones, too. back combing can be tricky on tiny dreads. there are also details and videos of this method online (videos are really helpful for this one, since it's odd to explain in words)

neglect/natural - i've never done this, because my hair Does Not knot up on its own. the idea, though, is that IF your hair knots up pretty well by itself, you can just Not wash it for a while and let it get knotty. eventually little dreads will start to form around your head, and you can gently separate, palm roll, and encourage them to dread how you want them to (bigger dreads, smaller dreads, etc). this can take months and months and months depending on your hair type. definitely look up more information online if you want to dread your hair this way.

when you have dreads with tapered ends, it can look pretty normal in ponytails.

general tips

loose roots - your dreads are going to be loose at the roots. it's okay. don't freak out. depending on your hair type, it could be loose for as much as two inches. as long as the dread is tight/knotted up beyond the root, it's fine. the roots need to be loose so the hair has room to move and keep locking up as it grows out. some people will tell you to split the base of your dread and loop the dread through it to tighten it up. this makes it harder for your hair to knot on its own and causes painful pulling on your scalp, so don't bother.

loose ends - you can look up inforomation on how to make 'blunt' ended dreads online. i've always left my ends loose, or 'tapered'. either way is fine. the only logistical difference is that tapered ends drain water better, whereas blunt ends will have a harder time getting really dry. if you have silky hair, your tapered ends may come undone and be longer than when you first dreaded your hair up. you can keep re-knotting them if you want, but as long as at least a good inch or so of the dread stays firmly knotted, you're going to be fine.

washing - keep your dreads clean. you might want to wait a week or so after you first start them to wash your hair, and if they seem fragile you can soak your hair in soapy/shampoo water rather than really rubbing your hair around much. use a very gentle soap/shampoo that won't leave a residue, like diluted dr. bronner's. or even wash with baking soda mixed in water and rinse with vinegar (proportions and details can be found online), that's what i've been doing for over a year and it's been great for my hair. the most important thing to remember whenever you choose to wash your dreads is that they Have to dry Thoroughly. otherwise they can mold, and that's just gross. so if you're washing, make sure you've got time to leave them loose and hand dry them a lot or be out in the sun where they can dry on their own.

changing dreads - don't freak out if you get 'loops' in your dreads sometimes or if they get curvy or develop 'personality'. this is normal, since your hair will be constantly growing, moving, and knotting up more. it's likely the loops will go away on their own.

my dreads were a year and a half old in this picture, so most of what you see grew out and locked on its own, with basically no effort on my part. this also shows another example of how a bit of normal hair at the very front can conceal a ton of dreads... most of my head was dreaded.

the deal

so, the deal is this: you're not actually creating dreads. you're knotting your hair up so that, as new hair grows out, it automatically tangles and eventually dreads up on its own. this is called both 'dreading' and 'locking'. it may take as long as a year (if your hair is Really silky) for your hair to Really lock on its own. over time you'll notice your dreads firming up and 'locking' up tighter of their own accord. that's when you really have dreads. that's also why you'll hear some folks say that there is no way to get 'instant dreads'.

these dreads are 4 months old. they aren't as fuzzy as before. i was still using rubber bands to keep the ends knotted.

maintenance

palm rolling - you can keep dreads looking more smooth and 'clean' vs. messy by palm rolling. take a dread between your palms and roll your hands back and forth over the dread for twenty seconds or more. this doesn't really do anything permanent, but if your dreads are really fuzzy it'll calm them down and make you look more presentable.

rubber bands - you can fasten those tiny rubber bands at the end of each dread to keep the ends from coming undone at the beginning. i suggest replacing them with fresh rubber bands before they rot, cause that's gross. i used them last time i dreaded my hair, and they definitely did the job. i'm not using them this time, and my tapered ends have gotten longer (in other words, the ends of my dreads have come undone), but i'm fine with it as long as there's still a tight section along the dread closer to the base. if you want your dreads to stay knotted down to the end, rubber bands definitely help.

aloe vera - you can use straight aloe vera (from the plant, or from a bottle if it's 100% aloe vera) to smooth your dreads and make them look more presentable/chill. it's good for you.

dread wax - dread wax is mostly just a way to get you to spend money on products you don't really need. depending on the recipe, dread wax can leave residue in your hair that will get gross later and in general not be a good thing. if you really, really feel like it's necessary, try to use simpler, more basic ingredients like a bit of shea butter or just aloe vera. there's no need to buy fancy overpriced dread wax.

crocheting - see mention above in 'methods'

separating - over time, all hair dreads if left alone. this also means that hair, once dreaded, will keep seeking out further knottiness - it gets all tangled up and just keeps twisting around knotting onto other things. your dreads will become friends. two dreads may turn into one dread. if you never maintained them, eventually you could have one massive ugly dread, often referred to as a 'beaver tail'. especially at the base of your dreads, the loose and new hairs will tangle together regardless of your nice, neat sections. as your dreads mature, pay attention to what they're doing and how they seem to be growing. maybe once a week, maybe once a month (just pay attention to your own hair and you'll figure out what's ideal) you should go through and pull your dreads apart at the base so that they all stay separate. this is the Only actual, necessary maintenance for your dreads. everything else is optional. it only takes a few minutes at a time. it can hurt a bit, especially if you have someone else do it for you, kind of like taking off a band aid.

my dreads are all done. the tapered ends make it look pretty normal. you can see that the 'twist and rip' dreads up front look more braided, and the back combed ones in the back look a bit fuzzier.

there ya go

in general, dreads are a great, low maintenance hair style. the best thing to remember is just to use common sense - pay attention to your hair, your hair type, and what your dreads are doing. if they're getting gross, clean them. if they're growing together, maintain them and keep 'em separate. overall you'll spend way less time maintaining your dreadlocks than you would normal hair (unless you're anal, in which case you can spend all the time you want on your dreads, but it's not necessary), and they'll still look great. hooray for dreads!

11/19/11 - for more up to date dread opinions from me and updates on my own dreads, see the new 'dreadlocks' post.

do you pluck your eyebrows?

2011-01-27T15:34:00.000-05:00

okay, here's a pet peeve. when i watch movies, i like to find stories set in older times (big surprise, right?). i really enjoy any chance to be immersed in older cultures and environments that fulfill their needs more directly and less synthetically than we do today. sure, i can read all sorts of dry material about it in textbooks and dense books found in the college libraries, but a movie or novel is more engaging.

so lately i've watched a movie set during pioneer times and one set during the early middle ages. in both movies the main female characters had very carefully shaped eyebrows. i thought that would be rather inaccurate, but as it turns out - after a bit of research - i see reports that women as early as the 1700s and even the first century bce in rome were plucking their eyebrows.

alright, so the pioneer lady could have plucked her eyebrows. i guess then it's just my personality that finds that practice ridiculous, alongside the care of livestock, gardens, home, and family she also tended.

i find it silly when movies set in medieval times show women with shaved armpits as well, but i've just read that islam has strong rules around body hair (armpit and otherwise, for men and women) and developed chemical depilatories for women since the 9th century. i don't know about medieval europe, but i still wish that it was more common for historically appropriate aesthetics and cultural norms to be followed in movie production. i suppose as long as movies are marketed toward mainstream american men and thoroughly brainwashed women, we're stuck with actresses who are plucked, shaved, thinned in some places and plumped in others rather than just left how they are.

hibernation vs. the master list

2011-01-20T23:40:00.000-05:00

the inside of a thatched dog hut, in progress in my parent's yard

click here to view my photo album for autumn 2010 in virginia

it's winter. winter is for sleeping. right? winter is for eating stored foods, sleeping longer while the days are short, cleaning your tools, mending clothing, and cleaning the house. maybe in... two years, or three or four years, those will be my winter tasks. not this year.

i am still working at the same restaurant i started with in april, although now in virginia. this is the longest i've held a typical, corporate type job in a long time, and it's really hard for me. i've been spoiled on community life, on the ability to live by no alarm clock, work with friends when and how i choose, and have my needs provided for more simply. alright, i'm being dramatic - but it's true. so i'm working a lot, and realizing that summer seems to be my energetic high point of the year. i accomplished a lot this past summer even while i was working full time. i'm having a harder go of it these past six weeks or so. i haven't been taking as many pictures, eating as healthily, there's nothing to grow or nurture or harvest, and it seems like as soon as i am home from work or have a few hours to myself, i simply feel compelled to sleep, watch movies, and sleep some more.

regardless of my baser desires, i've been pushing myself to make lists and keep tabs on my 'master list' of tasks to complete before heading back to red earth in april. let's see how i'm doing...

-i'm 1/3 of the way through the top-side of my first quilt
-i'm in the middle of processing two deer hides - one into buckskin, another into a fur
-i've got a fox 'on ice' waiting to be skinned and tanned into a fur
-i've established contacts with coffee roasters to gather burlap sacks for a shade structure
-i've done research about the handful of things i need to buy before the big move
-i've got a date set to do volunteer work for credit at a local, and awesome, nursery - baby trees!
-i've ordered 275 trees from the missouri dept. of conservation, that'll be delivered in may
-i've read various books on tanning hides, making paper, ink and dye plants, uses of wild plants in the missouri river region, and similar
-i've got a stash of donation seeds from southern exposure and plans to start seedlings in their greenhouse
-i've assessed the model, and found manual and parts for a coleman duel fuel lantern so i can buy replacement bits and get it working
-i'm poised on the brink of a book-making and calendar-making frenzy to prepare for a review of my calendars to be published very soon
-i've made a quill pen out of a peacock feather and have been writing with it now and then
-i have a bunch of flower bulbs to take with me to naturalize out there (So excited about this! daffodils, tulips, irises, and crocus)

that's all i can think of for now. there's a lot more that i'm in-process with or preparing to do in the very near future, and a lot more that i need to do soon besides. the list is so long! but, this is the time for action. each day is a chance for me to manifest the life i've been professing my desire for for years... each day is a chance to prove that i really want it and am willing to do the work to make it happen.

some days that doesn't mean much but sleeping and trying to be well, but i'm doing the best that i can. letting friends know what i'm up to and finding that help can come from many directions is really keeping me going. that, and the impending deadlines of nature - you can't put off spring, or the shifting face of the moon as the nights slip by into new days. i have already been here for Almost three months. in Less than three more months, i will be gone to red earth. i must be as ready as i can be, and do everything in my power to assure that i'm giving myself a solid chance to live well and happily out there. there's no more time to be afraid to give it my all for fear that i won't succeed. no more time for hesitation. and on that rather ridiculously heavy note, i leave you, dear reader, for the night.

the longest lull

2010-12-18T00:56:00.000-05:00

this is by far the longest i have gone without posting here since i started this blog. sorry for the silence. my days and mind have been full, preoccupied, distracted in other directions. i spent the month of october planning a move, packing, and sorting out the logistics of splitting a household. november was spent settling into my parents place in virginia. i'm still settling in, really, and imagine i will finally feel settled around, oh, march or so - just before it's time to leave.

the details of why i moved are personal, and since this blog now posts to other places i don't intend to share details where they aren't warranted. suffice it to say that i have moved, and that it was a sad process that also felt necessary. it was also incredibly hard. i am alone again, in a way that i haven't been in a very long time. ultimately i think this will be a good thing - right now it just feels neutral, indefinable because it's become unfamiliar.

i have made plans to return to red earth farms in the spring. i'm really excited about it. i left the land after a short cleanup visit in april not thinking i would return... for a while, if ever (to live). it has been hard for me to let go, and now i'm taking hold again. i visited once more in october to find that the marigolds i had seeded were all abloom, possibly explaining the failure of all my marigold-seeding efforts in kansas.

the october visit was great. i got to see inside the houses of a few folks, which always feels magical and very special to me. i got to walk around with No Ticks to be seen (woohoo!), took some beautiful pictures, enjoyed lovely weather, and savored the company and hugs of many community friends that i had missed. the time i spent in kansas this year was the longest stretch that i've spent away from community in four years, and boy did it feel good to go back, even for a few days. i didn't realize what an impact it had had on me.

so now i have stored things at red earth, closed up shop in kansas, and am staying with my mom and stepdad in central virginia for the winter (there is still only a shed out at my red earth homestead, not exactly a winter proof shelter) saving up money, visiting friends, and gathering skills and materials for the coming year. my list of things to do and learn is long, and i'll share that with you soon in case you have any advice to pass along.

in the meantime, take a look at these photos...

click here for the album from the prairie festival in salina, kansas (all plant/landscape pictures)

click here for my autumn album from kansas

(will add more later, just a few in there now - including 10/10/10)

and click here for the album of my october visit to red earth

so. to strike one more thing off the list, this post is going to count as my 'land/money/building credit' post. while in kansas i was wearing blinders to the reality that i would never end up owning land if i went down that path... not for many, many years anyway. and possibly not even in the way that i wanted when the time finally came. nonetheless, i applied for credit in several different ways so that i could build up a positive credit score (all i have are two student loans, nothing else). so now i have a paypal credit type deal, and another account that is putting me on the path toward having a real, actual credit card that doesn't charge me money just to have it and that will ultimately help my credit rating. will i ever need a good credit rating? who knows. it can't hurt for now to work on it alongside everything else, i figure.

and the search for land... well, it's back to red earth. the land was tied in with the need for insane amounts of money and building up credit. i realize that some people actually do pay $100k + for their house/land and pay it off, eventually. most people, i guess. but i can't handle that. i can't handle that time frame, that level of commitment to our cultural institutions of wage slavery and locked up food. i will make the sacrifices that i need to make in order to live on land that belongs to me more quickly, more directly, and more simply. it's not heroic, it's not to prove a point, or to shove anything in anyone's face. it's just how i feel like i have to do it, for me. this is what seems like the best possible path given my desires, personality, and ability.

i will still migrate to virginia for a few winters in order to save up more money for land and building materials, and since my family is out here (and i Love my family) i imagine i will become somewhat migratory. probably i will, over time, establish a little hobbit hut on the back of my stepfather's property, or become a winter regular at acorn, or become more involved with another local community over the next few years. basically, i don't know how exactly it will work out, or what job i will have after this winter, or if i will be able to support myself on my own crafts, creations, and teaching rather than submitting myself to a corporation. but virginia will still be my home... after this coming growing season it'll just become home away from home.

more on my dreams for red earth later. much love to you and yours, and thanks for your patience as i've rambled.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/~~use of fresh herbs~~/tinctures

-~~making pants/making clothing~~

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-~~the view from laundry day~~

-~~awesome natural builder blogs~~

-~~the search for land/money/building credit~~

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-~~sustainable clothes washing~~

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-~~shampoo~~/~~deodorant~~/~~wipes~~/~~etc~~
-~~embroidering project (jeans)~~

-~~recent crafts - stamps, giraffe puppet, clothespin bag~~

-~~newsletters~~

350.org and the 10/10/10 work parties

2010-09-30T14:27:00.000-04:00

hey, does anyone out there know about 350.org? it's an organization focused on the amount of carbon in the atmosphere - scientists say that if we can get it back down to 350 parts per million we will have a safer world.

so the whole organization is about getting everyday folks to participate in clean energy solutions and cutting down our carbon output, especially all on the same day and taking pictures so that we can send a strong message to lawmakers around the world that their constituents are both serious about climate change, and doing something about it themselves.

events, also called 'actions', can be big or small. in some places whole schools or neighborhoods or businesses will get together and install solar panels, or wind turbines, or plant food forests and gardens. some places have been doing oil spill cleanup and restoration from natural disasters. other groups of neighbors and friends will go on bike rides or plant trees around their neighborhood to spread the word that there is change happening and that people are stepping up.

the next big day of action is coming soon - it's 10/10/10, the global work party. i've been thinking about it for awhile, but haven't had the motivation to figure something big out on top of all the other things i've been doing day to day. but, i would like to participate. i'm thinking i'll get together with a few friends here in manhattan, kansas and go for a bike ride around town with 350 signs on our shirts or bikes. we'll make a scenic trail or a good view of manhattan the end of our ride, pose with our homemade 350.org banner, and take a picture to share with the world to show that we're doing something about climate change (for instance, one of my friends bikes around campus rather than driving, and i've been biking 15 miles to work a few days a week to make less trips with my truck).

have you heard of 350.org? are you doing anything on 10/10/10? if you did do something, what would you be most interested in? and what would it take for you to actually do it?

connections - awesome natural builder blogs

2010-09-27T01:40:00.000-04:00

ziggy's house, as i saw it during my first visit to dancing rabbit in october 2008. the black stuff is epdm (basically pond liner) for his roof, which is waiting for sod so it can become a living roof. the epdm was the most expensive item purchased for his home.

this'll be a quick one. on days when i'm really low on inspiration and am hunting for hope and proof that there's good stuff going on out there, i look for blogs or web sites from folks who want to live in a way similar to me. now i've already got a few regulars, mainly risa (who is not a natural builder per se, but is a homesteader and an incredible writer) and ziggy. ziggy is a young guy at dancing rabbit ecovillage (right next door to red earth, in northeastern missouri) who built his own house from april 2008 to summer 2009. it is incredibly similar to my dream home, and he built it himself with no prior construction experience, for $3,000.

talk about good inspiration. anyway, a few months ago ziggy linked to some other natural builders, and the one that has captured my heart the most is this lady on the east coast who is building her own home along with some friends. her blog and pictures and the way she describes the process are a big part of what keeps me going on my worst days. maybe you'll enjoy her stories, too!

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/~~use of fresh herbs~~/tinctures

-~~making pants/making clothing~~

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-~~the view from laundry day~~

-~~awesome natural builder blogs~~

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-~~sustainable clothes washing~~

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-~~shampoo~~/~~deodorant~~/~~wipes~~/~~etc~~
-~~embroidering project (jeans)~~

-~~recent crafts - stamps, giraffe puppet, clothespin bag~~

-~~newsletters~~

sewing - making underwear

2010-09-27T01:23:00.001-04:00

yep, underwear. i have a number of issues with modern women's underwear trends, namely:

1. that elastic gets weird after a while
2. that elastic won't be available forever (particularly in a post-collapse world)
3. that normal underwear seems to develop holes too easily
4. that whoever makes it seems to think all grown women want to look like six year olds

i mean, really - the patterns you see on underwear for grown women is ludicrous. i do not want drawings of little kindergarten flowers on my drawers! nor do they always have to be in pinks, oranges, or pastels. i want bright colors, elegant and/or understated designs, and some respect, please. a woman needs options! so i decided, hell, i'll try to make my own.

another pattern search

a quick search online led me to two good sites for ideas. one was belle and burger, who turns a stewey (from family guy) tshirt into undies, and another that's less stewey-rific. both, however, assume familiarity with sewing machines (and the luxury of owning one) and with sewing elastic. i have neither of these. i figured i could still use their general pattern ideas and work out a similar pair.

fabric finds

a friend of mine suggested a shop called 'rockstar and rogers' for thrifting locally, and i went by to check them out one day when i had extra time before work. luckily for me, they had a $1.99 tshirt bin out front with a number of soft and cozy tshirts with cute designs on them - i picked out a few for their potential to become snazzy drawers and went home happy. (for those of you thinking that $2/pair of underwear sounds pretty standard - i can actually make two pair from each t-shirt, except probably the tank top, which will make 1 1/2. so $1/pair. and, i am at least not buying new and condoning sweatshops, cause they suck!)

drawin it up

it was kind of weird to draw out a pattern while choosing not to cut up a pair of underwear that i already owned. it worked okay, though, i suppose - i just traced around edges and figured out overlaps for that weird multi-layer crotch part that goes on in women's drawers. i drew this pattern onto some random wrapping-type paper i had around from getting stuff in the mail, and then pinned my fabric to it and cut everything out.

needle and thread

i found that making underwear is quick work once you're ready to sew. it only took about a full afternoon to get all the edges ready and connect everything. once again (like with the pants), they were too tight. i cut a seam, added some width, tried again. better. one leg was still tighter. the underwear sat around for a month, then i took out the thread from that tight leg hole and re-stitched it, more loosely this time. it worked!

the prototype

so now i have this pair of underwear, and the same day that i finished it i created an entirely new pair designed from a different type of underwear that i have. both function just fine as underwear, although without elastic, they do get more loose by the end of the day, which feels weird. also, in order to make the waist fit properly you have to sew them a bit tighter, so i've kind of had to 'shimmy' these two pairs on carefully - a little mindfulness in dressing doesn't bother me, but it definitely effects the overall versatility of this part of my wardrobe.

the future

i'm not sure exactly what's in store for me and the future of my underclothes. i've done some research on less modern underclothing, to see how it's been done in the past, and have found that underwear as we know it didn't come around until a ways into the 1900s. for some time before that ladies just wore bloomer type deals, often with open crotches, specifically because doctors said their vaginas needed to breathe. awesome! it's true, too. wearing synthetic and non-breathing fabrics up against your crotch can easily cause yeast infections. so maybe there was something to all their bloomer fashions. you'll just have to wait and see what i make and evolve toward next.

p.s. drawers made from super soft t-shirts are really, incredibly, wonderfully snuggly and comfortable.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/~~use of fresh herbs~~/tinctures

-~~making pants/making clothing~~

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-~~the view from laundry day~~

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-~~sustainable clothes washing~~

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-~~shampoo~~/~~deodorant~~/~~wipes~~/~~etc~~
-~~embroidering project (jeans)~~

-~~recent crafts - stamps, giraffe puppet, clothespin bag~~

-~~newsletters~~

sewing - making pants, part 1

2010-09-27T00:33:00.000-04:00

a number of months ago, i decided to make a pair of pants. it was getting warm out, and i had not brought any shorts to kansas with me. i had four pairs of jeans, and nothing more. so i started thinking about what i would want to buy, and who and what i would be supporting by buying new pants/shorts. i looked at some 'eco' and 'organic' types of clothes, but they are way beyond my budget. and i kind of wanted something particular... so the journey began.

the need

what i needed, in my mind, was a pair of light, airy pants (i guess you'd call them capris, but i just call them pants) that came to just below my knee and fit snugly around the top of my calves. the goal in snugness is to keep ticks out - there are a lot of ticks around here, especially if you spend any time walking in tall grasses. and i do. i also wanted pants that fit low-ish on my waist, and kind of snug around my butt - who doesn't want their butt to look good in pants, if possible? so those were my criteria.

finding patterns

i looked online for sewing 'patterns' for these types of pants, but didn't feel very successful. the closest things i found weren't quite what i wanted, and i didn't really want to spend money to purchase and ship a pile of paper drawings when i would just have to alter them to suit my needs anyway. i decided to design the pants myself and figure it out as i went along. please keep in mind that up until that moment, i had only sewn pillows, very simple cloth wipes and menstrual pads, and a pathetic 'dress' so that i could look like a medieval servant for a high school project. all of this had been done by hand, i've never really used sewing machines. and i'd never used a pattern before - frankly, i find them very intimidating.

moving from dream to pen

once i decided to design the pants myself, i realized i would want to sketch out a pattern on fabric to keep separate from the actual pants that i made, so that i could re-use the pattern and alter it accordingly. i waffled around on this for awhile, visualizing the process and imagining how i would join the seams, the crotch area, how to do the cuffs at the bottom, and how to get the leg shaping that i wanted. finally in mid april i pulled out a pair of jeans that fit my butt nicely, grabbed the several yards of muslin i had purchased for making the pants, and laid them all out and got to work. i spent a long afternoon holding fabric up to myself, wrapping it around my calves and marking it, tracing the seams of the favored jeans onto the pattern fabric, and pinning things around my waist to try to imagine how the fabric would lay.

more waffling, then some action

the cut fabric sat around in my office for a long time. i would look at it, feel intimidated, and ignore it awhile more. then one day i decided to yank it out and start sewing. this required more analysis, as i considered which seams would have to be joined first and in what order everything ought to be put together. it was confusing, but i figured out enough to get started hemming the edges of each piece. this kept me busy for quite some time (weeks and weeks of an hour here, an hour there).

they're starting to look like pants!

towards the end of july the pants started taking shape. once the legs were connected in the middle, they really started to look like pants! just weird, open-sided floppy confusing pants. this, nonetheless, motivated me to keep moving forward. as july came to a close and august brought more hot days sitting around in the air conditioning, i finished putting all the pieces together... and the pants were too tight. i don't know if it was because of how i joined the seams, or my general measurements/tracing, or some mysterious force from the sewing underworld. but they were decidedly tight. so i took out the stitching that joined the outside seam of each pant leg, and sewed in a strip of my favorite fabric. and that actually looked pretty good! but then the waist was too big, so i added a few buttons to the front so i could fold the fabric in on itself, tighten things up, and also secretly cover up some of the seams (which turned out to be done way too heavy duty, and ended up looking awkward)

aaaaaallllmost

okay, after the first week of august, the pants were mostly done. the waist was okay, the legs were okay (though not as poofy as i wanted around the knees, but fine), and i just had to sew up the bottom cuffs. so close! finally, that was done, and then i had........

(*said in a hallelujah-like, awe-inspired voice of amazement and wonder)

paaaaaants! glorious, handmade, magical, i can't believe i made these paaaaants!!!!!

i wore those pants a lot. for days, out to the garden, and around town on my bike. i got a feel for them, felt how they loosened up after a day of wear, how they stretched and didn't stretch in certain places. after a few weeks i decided they would need modification, but that was yet to come...

to be continued.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/~~use of fresh herbs~~/tinctures

-~~making pants~~/making clothing

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-~~the view from laundry day~~

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-~~sustainable clothes washing~~

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-~~shampoo~~/~~deodorant~~/~~wipes~~/~~etc~~
-~~embroidering project (jeans)~~

-~~recent crafts - stamps, giraffe puppet, clothespin bag~~

-~~newsletters~~

still alive

2010-09-18T01:43:00.000-04:00

i'm still out here in kansas, chugging along day by day. i know there are still a handful of things on that list i'm supposed to cover - hopefully i will get to those soon. in the meantime, maybe you could pop over to my flickr page and enjoy some beautiful flowers and other recent pictures i've taken - here's my summer set, for instance.

what have i been up to? work, of course. also, still

-washing laundry by hand
-using cloth wipes
-making books and spiral moon calendars
-drinking minty herbal iced tea instead of costly fruit juice
-biking to work a few days a week
-saving up money and budgeting
-enjoying varying amounts of cool autumn weather
-sewing clothing and wipes for myself
-trying really hard not to buy 'snack' type food and convenience food when i'm away from home

my big accomplishment for the week was to send off the very first calendar book - four seasons of spiral moon calendars bound into a coptic-stitched, handmade journal. it was so beautiful! i sent it to SageWoman magazine in the hopes that they will review my calendars and get my work out there for folks to see. i also made a calendar book for myself, and i love it so far. i've got seven straight days of work ahead of me, but i hope to use spare hours to make more of these books and offer the first ones for sale in my etsy shop very soon. so keep an eye out!

labor day

2010-09-11T02:53:00.000-04:00

a few weeks ago i went into a 'staples' to buy manila envelopes (for mailing out my spiral moon calendars) and possibly an expanding file folder. the black plastic one i'd used since high school was bursting with overuse, and i hoped i could buy a larger, sturdier (preferably Not plastic) one for a reasonable price.

as i was browsing the filing section, a manager interviewed a young woman in the office chairs section nearby. i heard him asking her situational questions - "what would you do if a customer..." and "give me an example of when you..." - all typical interview stuff. but it struck me at that moment as it hadn't struck me in the midst of the situation before, that anyone could do her job. i finally realized in the moment that he wasn't asking her "can you help customers find office supplies?", he was asking her in the lingo of our culture whether she could feed him back the specific type of bullshit that he wanted to hear.

in other words, he was testing how prepared and capable she was of stifling her free will so that she could be his corporate bitch and do the job exactly as he/the company wants it done.

i believe this challenge is at the core of many of the jobs in our culture. it's certainly at the core of my job. this is what makes people hate and resent and stress over their work. it's not that we can't do the physical work - even if we as a culture were instead a tribal people with a system of subsistence hunting and gathering we would still have to Work - at making tools, gathering food, climbing, building, preparing, lifting - all the same basic tasks we do every day already. the problem is the facade of the work. the facade that we Want to do what we're doing, that we aren't just doing it because we're trapped in a system that locks up our food and makes us pay just to exist in a place.

and so, when occasions like labor day roll around, i get to thinking again about the implications behind the day. labor day is a hypothetical day of rest for the worker, a day of honor for laborers. personally, i think it's a joke. one day of honor and rest is a joke when i consider the amount of time, sweat, stress, and ultimately, the amount of lifeblood the american people have put into this corporate, industrialized system. are we really benefiting from it? the gadgets we buy and the rent payments and the gas to drive to work - are those things really rewarding to us, do they sustain our lives? or do they just sustain our ability to keep feeding the machine?

last night i watched a documentary on activist and historian howard zinn. he mentioned that as a high schooler he confronted in his mind the notion of the 'american dream' - that if you work hard, you'll get rich. and he realized that the underlying message is if you aren't rich, you aren't working hard enough. this places the blame on the worker rather than the system, and we are taught to accept it with full guilt. he looked at that message and knew that it was a lie. it was a lie about his father, his mother, his relatives and many people in his day to day life who lived in tenements, often with no heating or hot water, and worked long hours at grueling jobs making just enough to get to the next day and work some more.

all this brings me to a great song that i've been listening to lately, that sums up very nicely the feelings that i have about my situation right now. it's a song by utah phillips (collaborating with ani difranco) about his friend frying pan jack...

right click and 'save link as' to download utah phillips song

"Frying-Pan Jack and I were in that camp, that's where he said to me, he'd been tramping since 1927, 'I told myself in '27, if I cannot dictate the conditions of my labor, I will henceforth cease to work.' You don't have to go to college to figure these things out, no sir. He said, 'I learned when I was young that the only true life I had was the life of my brain. But if it's true that the only real life I had was the life of my brain, what sense does it make to hand that brain to someone for eight hours a day, for their particular use, on the presumption that at the end of the day they will give it back in an unmutilated condition? Fat chance!"

this is what i'm working toward - not handing my brain, my healthy body, and my free will over to a corporation for any number of hours a day with the expectation that they will treat it fairly. my brain and body are undeniably harmed by the work that i do, and my spirit suffers. this isn't to say that i'm 'special' or somehow different - i believe that most folks (maybe except for those happy few who have jobs they love, good for them!) are harmed by their job and that the great deception of our culture is that we ought to silently put up with this treatment! that we ought to keep wanting big houses, smelly cars, and time wasting gadgets so that we have to keep working and selling the hours of our lives to keep the economy running rather than just physically and emotionally caring for ourselves and our loved ones.

this is why i am saving up money for a small bit of land where i can build my own home from earth, straw, sand, and water. where i can grow my own food without the inconvenience of all those hours of each day diverted to the uses of a corporation. where i can build my own furniture rather than buy it, sit and look at the sky rather than spend money on fancy artwork to hang on squared off, air-conditioned walls. where i can walk and bike to see my friends and buy a few things here and there rather than pay for the bone-juice of long dead dinosaurs to fuel the noisy, destructive monster we call a car. to pee in the grass and poop in a bucket (that turns into compost) rather than Pay to fill a ceramic bowl with Drinking water, then Pay to have that 'waste' taken away and deposited into our tidal ecosystems! no thank you!

the thing is, most folks hear all this and think it sounds terrible, or hard, or completely undesirable. the thing is, for me, there is joy in the way i want to live. there is joy in tending a garden without thinking "i have to get to work soon". there is joy in creating useful fertilizer from my human waste (yes, parts of the process are stinky, but you have to smell yours sometimes, too!), joy in getting where i want to go with the power of my own legs, joy in making things that i will use out of materials that are found in the land. joy in feeling the change of the seasons and knowing that my body is perceptive and adaptable and alive. it feels good!

and so, though i was off on labor day, i did not accept it as a bribe from our corporate culture, and it will not keep me silent. every single day i think of the life i deserve as a creature on this planet, and i work toward that life with every bit of motivation i can muster. some days that means doing laundry by hand, tending the garden, making a new batch of deodorant, bathing in the garage under two gallons of water in a solar shower, and then going to work and setting aside as much of that money as i possibly can. some days, all i can manage is to write a letter to a friend or relative, or avoid fast food or one more pint of ben and jerry's. every day has its individual challenge - and every day it is worth the fight.

sustainable commute

2010-08-20T11:12:00.000-04:00

yesterday i biked 15 miles to work, and the day before that, 30 miles. whew! it felt good!

testing, testing

i had done the 15-mile ride twice before - once going in to work, and once coming home. each time the other leg of the trip had been done in the truck i share with nux. we have similar work schedules, and so we drive into town together every day, i drop her off, go to work, then pick her up by the time her shift is done. it's been getting a bit maddening lately, though, spending the same few hours at home every day, the same ride in the truck, her not being able to drive to the sub shop for a meal on her break, etc. and the gas is killer, since it's a 15 mile drive each way and we do it seven days a week.

a little help

since spring i had been thinking about biking to work more regularly. the time that i biked in to work, i was contending with spring winds, and that added 30 minutes to my trip. the wind was so bad i had to pedal on the downhills. not very fun. it's not all that much better now, with the heat, but i was lucky enough to get stopped on one of my rides by a local, who informed me that most cyclists take a different road to get into manhattan than the highway i was taking.

the clincher

turns out taking the old military trail road that follows the railroad and the river is great! the hills are much gentler, the air cooler because of the forests, and there's a good amount of shade, depending on the time of day.

gearing up for commitment

anyway, long story short - wednesday was my day off, and i decided that if i could make the whole commute for pleasure, get to the local bike shop, and get my bike tuned up, i'd be good and motivated to ditch the truck and ride my bike more often. and it totally worked. it took me about an hour and a half each way, and the helpful guys at pathfinder showed me how to maintain my retro road bike - something i had never properly learned since buying it back in college. they tightened things up, oiled the chain, realigned my brake pads (i got new ones, too!), re-ran a cable that was getting torn up, and told me how to generally keep the bike in good shape despite long daily commutes. and they didn't even charge me for the service!

encouragement

after the bike shop i detoured to the grocery store next to my work - i spend a lot of time there - and munched on a yummy wrap, savored a luna bar, guzzled water, and then headed home. as i was pedaling through a neighborhood on the outskirts of wamego, a guy got out of his vehicle and shouted at me, "you biked all the way from manhattan!". we ended up talking for a few minutes, since it turned out he had seen me leaving town. how awesome is that?! i always wonder if people take notice of cyclists on the road, wonder where they're going or how long they've been pedaling. then i wheeled back home, to sweet lil franny, who still needed a walk. what a day.

transitioning

the next day i biked in to work. i left about fifteen minutes earlier than nux, and made it with just enough time to change, wash my face, and generally make myself presentable after a long, hot ride. after work i biked over to nux's job (only a 10 minute trip), tossed my bike in the back of sandy, our pickup truck, and read an essay on tearing down civilization until she clocked out and we drove on home.

realizations

1. i am apparently in better shape than i realized, or, 30 miles isn't so tough if you just keep pedaling

2. it's hot in kansas in the summer. skin-soothing balms and a healthy aloe plant are great allies, as is a water bottle

3. wild turkeys look totally awesome (and strange) up close

4. it helps to know how to shift gears on your own bike

5. going at bike-speed makes it easier to connect with folks

6. forest breezes in late afternoon feel way better than air conditioning

7. i will never drive again without thinking about all the dead dragonflies, cicadas, butterflies, and bees that i've seen by the roadside (not to mention dead mammals). rest in peace, friends

8. if you wear a bag or backpack for that long in the sun, you will get a funny tan line. ditto for wearing a bandanna across your forehead

response

do you bike regularly? or just now and then? not at all? have you ever done a long trip, and if so what was it like for you? any suggestions for folks trying to use their bike more often than their car?

the view from laundry day: personal progression, part 3 and the amazing agitator

2010-08-10T03:25:00.000-04:00

more apartment challenges

late january brought nux and i to another apartment. i continued using cloth wipes and washing them by hand, and a generous friend bought me that same glass washboard as a gift. on top of that, i'd been given a nice standing basket by my mother, and i created a little lid for it and sewed up a quick fabric liner so that i could use it to store my wipes. this made the setup feel much more homey, and made me happier about doing laundry by hand. so out i went to our cold balcony in the kansas winter, scrubbing away at my new washboard. i washed my clothes by hand now and then, hanging them awkwardly from ribbon and yarn strung along the balcony railings.

new home, new dawn

april found us in a new home with a lovely back yard and new opportunities in laundry land. i went back to red earth at this point to clean up our leasehold, and brought back the clothesline (i was asked to take it down) along with all those weathered wooden clothespins. they promptly found a new home between two big trees in our backyard.

the house came with a washer and dryer, and i used the washer for a while and just hung my clothes out to dry on the line. i washed my wipes by hand always (i tried them in the machine once at acorn, and it didn't do a good job. plus, i feel gross putting them in a machine), and hung those out on the line as well. i was getting stubborn about washing my clothes by hand because it takes so long with bulky things like jeans, scrubbing them along that tiny washboard... i needed a new method.

at some point during these past few months, i watched 'no impact man' the documentary, and took away a new laundry idea. in the documentary, colin washes his clothes in the tub by walking around on them as the 'agitation' needed for cleaning. i discussed this with nux and we both agreed that filling a tub (even half way) would use more water than was needed, but that it was a neat idea. of course, colin was confined to a new york apartment - and we aren't. so i pulled a rubbermaid tote out of the garage, pulled out the hose, and filled it up with about eight inches of water. in went my jeans and flannels, tshirts and undies, some soap, and my feet. fun! using your feet is a fun way to wash clothes. they felt clean enough to me, and so i started washing by hand more often than using the machine.

finding a treasure

about two weeks ago i checked out a local shop called t-la-re that focuses on recycled, re-purposed, and upcycled products. they had an array of old timey things set up outside, and as i walked by my eye fell upon an agitator. up near red earth, where there are lots of mennonites and rural folk, agitators sold for $20-40. that was out of my price range at the time. the lady at t-la-re sold me this one for four dollars. can't beat that!

combining that with my rubbermaid method, the washboard/bucket for my wipes, the clothesline, and my new clothespin bag, i am now happily washing all my laundry by hand once a week. i usually do it on my day off. it only takes about 30 minutes total to wash my wipes (wash/scrub, rinse, hang, bring in) - not including drying time. and the normal laundry probably takes about the same, even though it's more volume, it goes more quickly in the rubbermaid tub with the agitator. it's extra pleasant if i drag everything into the shade and spray some yarrow tincture on my legs to keep the 'squiters away.

here's a video of me using the new agitator. the whole premise is that the real 'cleaning' happens when the fabric is rubbed against itself (causing friction) and when water particles are forced through the weave of the fabric. if you think of it that way, this agitator probably does a better job than a washing machine with its vague shimmying. turn your sound down before you hit play - my camera's audio is doing something weird that doesn't sound pleasant.

the next steps

the ways i can think of to make my washing routine more sustainable are:

-using rainwater (i'm working on that)
-using secondhand metal wash basins instead of plastic ones
-make my own laundry powder/soap (i've read through a few recipes and purchased a pound of lye. i haven't made anything yet, though. dr. bronner's is expensive stuff, and once i'm able to make my own castile soap and grate it in with a bunch of baking soda and other good cleaners i should have a much more affordable cleansing agent)
-carving my own clothespins for when these hinged ones give out
-narrow down my wardrobe to essentials so there's less to wash

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/~~use of fresh herbs~~/tinctures

-making pants/making clothing

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-~~the view from laundry day~~

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-~~sustainable clothes washing~~

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-~~shampoo~~/~~deodorant~~/~~wipes~~/~~etc~~
-~~embroidering project (jeans)~~

-~~recent crafts - stamps, giraffe puppet, clothespin bag~~

-~~newsletters~~

the view from laundry day: personal progression, part 2

2010-08-10T02:45:00.000-04:00

old school setups

then came the spring of 2009, and my residence at red earth farms. for a week or two i got to stay with the kind folks at dandelion farm, and benefited from their laundry setup - a wash basin on a metal stand with a metal agitator (a cone-shaped metal deal with a wooden handle) and a wringer.

i washed my clothes with water from their pond

and hung it on their line while watching a sweet father patiently hand wash his daughter's cloth diapers (a chore done several days a week).

birthing ingenuity

once nux and i moved to our own leasehold, we found an existing clothesline (+clothespins) for drying but had to come up with our own washing methods. also, we didn't have running water or normal plumbing. that meant a composting toilet, and toilet paper. we found ourselves often having to pee while out walking around the land (a far way from that composting toilet!), and since composting toilets don't like to have lots of liquid anyway, we developed a habit of squatting in the grass. there was never anyone around, so it always felt private enough. but it was awkward to carry toilet paper - we didn't want to leave it on the ground, but we also didn't want to carry Used toilet paper back to the campsite. gross! this was the beginning of my experience with cloth toilet wipes. i used old flannels to sew up wipes that we could carry around in our pockets and use if we had to pee. they didn't get very wet from one use, and could be rather comfortably slipped back into one's pocket until return to the campsite, where they could be set aside and washed with our other clothes.

the simplest way

so now we had cloth wipes and dirty clothes, and no washing machine, washbin, agitator, or wringer. but we had buckets! and we had rainwater! and sticks, and, well - hands. for several months we filled 5-gallon buckets with rainwater, dr. bronner's soap, and our dirty clothes. we'd let them soak a while, 'agitate' them with a sturdy stick for a while, then scrub them by hand until they seemed reasonably clean. then wring, empty bucket, re-fill with water, re-fill with clothes, swish around, and 'rinse' until satisfied. drain bucket, haul to clothesline (a one to two minute walk), wring with your hands, and hang to dry. this worked well enough, but caused blisters on my hands. hand wringing is tough during heavy-clothing weather, too. the best part of this process was the view.

back to civilization

after red earth we moved to kansas city, and then back to virginia for a while. my discontent with modern machines remained, and so i figured out new ways to keep the cloth-wipe habit alive and continued to (intermittently) wash my clothes by hand. i kept my dirty wipes in a plastic bag in the bathroom, and washed them by hand (no washboard yet, so i really mean 'by hand') with boiling water and dr. bronner's. i hung them from a metal rack in the bathroom to dry.

once we were back at acorn for the fall and winter, i finally pulled out that old glass washboard and put it to use. in this happy period, encouraged by a rekindling of community, i started washing my wipes more frequently, sewing more so that i had a constant supply, and washing my clothes by hand more often as well. it's much easier to line dry in the country than in an apartment. i was still using small buckets, though (which are fine for just wipes, which i wash separately) - not ideal for things like jeans and sweatshirts. at this point, i kept my dirty wipes sealed up in a plastic food container on a bathroom shelf. sometimes if i were feeling ambitious i'd carry a clean wipe out to the composting toilet.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/~~use of fresh herbs~~/tinctures

-making pants/making clothing

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-~~the view from laundry day~~

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-~~sustainable clothes~~ washing

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-~~shampoo~~/~~deodorant~~/~~wipes~~/~~etc~~
-~~embroidering project (jeans)~~

-~~recent crafts - stamps, giraffe puppet, clothespin bag~~

-~~newsletters~~

the view from laundry day: personal progression, part 1

2010-08-10T02:00:00.001-04:00

being the story of my journey in laundry land.

in the beginning

when i first visited acorn community in the spring of 2007, i got to see an example of more sustainable clothes-washing. folks wearing personally-owned clothing had to wash it themselves, but those wearing community-owned clothing ('commie clothes') and those with dirty sheets, towels, linens, etc got to toss their various fabrics into the communal basket to be washed by whoever signed up for laundry that week. before this experience, i had always used a washing machine and normal dryer, although i knew from my mother that washers could run on a lower amount of water than you'd expect, and that running the shorter cycle saved time and energy.

groovy detergents

the washer was often run on a lower water setting than was typical, and the detergent used was always seventh generation brand. typical laundry detergents have creepy chemicals that stick to your clothes and your skin even after they come out of the dryer, and their chemical scents are too much for me personally. hop over to www.ewg.org if you want to learn more about typical laundry detergents.

line drying - an experience in environmental awareness

so anyway - they used groovy detergent, and less water, and hung their things out to dry on a series of several clotheslines winding out amongst the trees behind the laundry room. while interning at acorn i discovered that i Love hanging out laundry. it is so satisfying, and simple, brings such an easy appreciation for the weather and the sky and the state of the world around me. even in less friendly weather i love it. it makes me feel like i'm in an old, old picture - an older world.

what was the next step from there? well, i lived in various places for a while... i strung a line out on the abandoned laundry posts in my mother's backyard and hung my clothes there for a while. over the winter i hung my clothes on a drying rack in the furnace/laundry room of the natural builder i was interning with.

dreaming up the next step

the next year, while living at acorn, i remembered an old glass washboard lying around (not old, actually, they purchased it from lehman's a few years before i arrived - but old fashioned, certainly) and pondered the idea of washing my clothes by hand.

that fall i visited dancing rabbit ecovillage and red earth farms, and got to see folks using washing machines that ran on solar power, old school hand crank washing machines, and even older washtub-agitator-wringer setups. over that winter i lived in the city and used a normal washing machine and dryer with growing suspicion.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/~~use of fresh herbs~~/tinctures

-making pants/making clothing

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-~~the view from laundry day~~

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-~~sustainable~~ clothes washing

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-~~shampoo~~/~~deodorant~~/~~wipes~~/~~etc~~
-~~embroidering project (jeans)~~

-~~recent crafts - stamps, giraffe puppet, clothespin bag~~

-~~newsletters~~

how i de-stink my armpits

2010-08-10T01:30:00.000-04:00

well, 'de-stink' may be a rather harsh term. ever since i stopped using conventional deodorants and anti-persperants (in 2007!), i've noticed that i maintain a constant scent. it's a human scent, distinctly different from a stagnant 'funk' or typical sweaty 'body odor', and i rather like it. nonetheless, i do work a conventional job, and so to keep the scent to a minimum i use a deodorant. (wondering what's wrong with conventional deodorant? it's the aluminum)

for several years i purchased "tom's of maine" brand deodorant. i liked the evergreen-type scent the best, but after a number of weeks or a few months it stopped working and started irritating my skin. the same went for any different variety of tom's that i tried. i did try a few other brands, but eventually decided that $4-7 for a stick of deodorant in a non-recyclable container, no matter how groovy the source, was too much (especially if it didn't work consistently).

once again thanks to one green generation i have made the switch to a d.i.y. alternative. a simple mix of baking soda and cornstarch (very cheap, easy to find ingredients) shaken up in a jar and applied with a small flannel wipe does the trick for me. i apply it once a day, or more if i'm going out and want to especially freshen up. i hear some folks only have to use it once every two or three days (they must stink less than me).

also, this oughta work whether you've got hair under there or not. i don't shave my armpits, and it works just fine patting it on just as one would if one shaved.

i've been using this home-made powder mix for just under six months now, and it has continued to make me happy and satisfied as a sound method for de-stinkifying.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/~~use of fresh herbs~~/tinctures

-making pants/making clothing

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-~~the view from laundry day~~

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-sustainable clothes washing

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-~~shampoo~~/~~deodorant~~/~~wipes~~/~~etc~~
-~~embroidering project (jeans)~~

-~~recent crafts - stamps, giraffe puppet, clothespin bag~~

-~~newsletters~~

sewing - patching/embroidering jeans project

2010-08-09T14:54:00.000-04:00

since november i've been working on this pair of jeans. they're my favorite pants - i actually bought two pairs of them about four years ago because they fit so well. needless to say, after living on farms they've been roughed up quite a bit, and are basically in constant need of patching.

after this last overhaul, they're close to being more patch than original pants. but, i still love 'em.

the deal was that one thigh had a huge tear, and the other had very thin denim that was just waiting for a snag. i decided to try embroidering a mandala on a patch for one of the legs, and thought it would be a quick project.

it only took about six months. hah. of course, i worked on it here and there, in spare moments.

anyway - here it is for you to see. they're finished now, but of course now that i can wear them again, the butt patch has torn, so i've gotta re-do that one as well. i had been patching them with beautiful, thin fabric before - i expect these heavy duty denim patches to last a long time.

and, while i was at it, i hemmed up the bottoms, which were a bit too long, and always got wet and dragged under my shoes. much better now!

how i wash my hair

2010-08-09T14:40:00.000-04:00

i haven't used shampoo for a few months now - since the end of april, when i mentioned my first experiments with the baking soda and vinegar method described at one green generation.

well, here's an update - it's still going well. my hair feels wonderful, i shower once or twice a week and wash my hair most of those times, and it takes a lot longer to get greasy than when i was using normal soap/shampoo. my setup is a bit different than what Melinda uses, though, so i thought i'd post about it.

she recommends using bottles with long stems and rather small holes - i haven't come across any like that yet (not that i've specifically searched for them), so i've been using a small plastic bowl.

i get my hair wet, pour about a spoonful's worth of baking soda into the bowl, add water until i have a full bowl (this is while the shower is going, so i just stick it under the stream), stir it with my fingers, pour over my head strategically, and then massage my scalp with my fingers for a minute or two. rinse with water.

to 'condition', i rinse that bowl out, add a splash (1-2 spoonfuls?) of vinegar, fill back up with water, and pour over my head. rinse with normal water and revel in the silky smoothness that is your now-clean hair. hooray!

i'm still using the vinegar and baking soda in their normal containers, though, and that's something i'd like to change. it's awkward to have a cardboard box of baking soda and a large jug of vinegar sitting on the side of the tub behind the shower curtain during my showers, so i might fill up two mason jars instead and use those until i find better containers. but in the meantime, this works well. no more worries about sodium lauryl and laureth sulfates.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/~~use of fresh herbs~~/tinctures

-making pants/making clothing

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-~~the view from laundry day~~

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-sustainable clothes washing

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-~~shampoo~~/deodorant/~~wipes~~/etc
-embroidering project (jeans)

-~~recent crafts - stamps, giraffe puppet, clothespin bag~~

-~~newsletters~~

the view from laundry day: evolution of a black eyed susan

2010-08-09T14:01:00.000-04:00

remember that planter i mentioned, out by the back stoop?

while our neighbor's gardens were popping with black eyed susans, ours were working on tight little buds, filling me with anticipation.

i was excited to find them at the local market on sale for half off, and bought them once i remembered my morning walk to school as a child.

i used to walk down a hill, past a neighbor's house with lush, full gardens.

by the back corner of her house was a beautiful, 10' round patch of black eyed susans.

they bloomed for a long time, and i remember walking by every day and looking into their sweet flower faces and smiling at them.

now, finally, the black eyed susans in my washtub planter are doing well enough that i can show you most of the beautiful stages of their budding and flowering.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/~~use of fresh herbs~~/tinctures

-making pants/making clothing

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-~~the view from laundry day~~

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-sustainable clothes washing

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-shampoo/deodorant/~~wipes~~/etc
-embroidering project (jeans)

-~~recent crafts - stamps, giraffe puppet, clothespin bag~~

-~~newsletters~~

birthday food - guacamole and homemade pizza

2010-08-09T13:35:00.000-04:00

not a whole lot to write about here without getting into politics, but i wanted to share a few nice pictures from my birthday feast. since i'm trying really hard not to eat cow-dairy products, i thought buying a few avocados and making guacamole would be a good way to substitute something exciting and spreadable in my wraps without feeling sad that i wasn't using cheese.

we ended up making the guacamole for my birthday, with some nice fresh roma tomatoes, a few cloves of garlic, and a bit of seasoning. it turned out to be delicious! hooray for healthy, yummy foods.

the pizza turned out well, too. we brushed a whole wheat crust with olive oil and then spread around chopped peppers, garlic, and tomatoes. the rest of the toppings we each chose for our own half - nux added cheese, fresh basil, and some nice seasonings. i added goat cheese, lots of fresh pesto, and some sliced yellow squash from the garden (some of the pepper was from our garden, too). into the oven it went, and then into our bellies along with chips and guacamole while we watched a movie. what a birthday!

sewing - giraffe doll/puppet

2010-08-09T13:24:00.000-04:00

my stepdad has a young coworker whose wife is pregnant with their first child. they've moved to america rather recently, and don't have any family nearby, and so my stepdad has been gathering friends to help them feel supported in the great undertaking of raising a child.

when i heard of his efforts, i decided sending a few hand made stuffed animals would be a nice gesture, and so i started with this giraffe. many thanks to my friend ashlee, who donated lots of denim after converting a few pairs of her jeans into shorts!

about halfway through, as i was sewing up the legs, i put my fingers inside to hold things in place - and realized that this giraffe would make a great puppet.

i've never made a puppet before, but this one turned out alright. what do you think?

sealing wax, stamps, planter, seeds, clothespins...

2010-08-09T13:04:00.000-04:00

here are a number of random bits of my life that i've been documenting with pictures lately.

i sent out a handmade garden/puppy/happy green life newsletter to about two-dozen friends and relatives in july. i'm hoping it'll be the start of a seasonal newsletter that will help me keep in touch with friends without the mighty challenge of trying to hand-write something to tons of people.

i'll be adding more and more people to the list for the next two seasons, but will only Keep sending out newsletters to those who reply (by phone, email, letter, or facebook) and say that they actually want to Get them. postage costs a lot, and i can't afford to send to folks who don't want to receive 'em anyway!

i carved out two new rubber stamps for book making recently. when i make my garden journals with cereal boxes for the cover base, i end up with these little odd pieces that i've been turning into plain brown books. stamping seems like a good way to brighten them up.

i'm using this little notebook as my food journal. step two in the 'sugar addicts total recovery program' is to master the practice of food journaling. i've got step one down pat, but have been struggling with journaling for months now. it's hard!

i put together this planter next to our back stoop a few weeks ago. it's a wash tub that i got at the dog & gun exchange in rutledge, missouri - i used it as a wash bin for a little while, but it's got a few punctures in the bottom, so i decided to haul it back to kansas and convert it into a planter. i used some extra topsoil from the pile that made the garden, added some compost, and a bunch of mega-discounted bedding plants - two black eyed susans, and eight ornamental sweet potato vines. it's looking good these days so long as i remember to water it.

these beautifully diverse wildflower seeds got scattered over our new garden space, up against the back of the house. it had been covered in black plastic, and was just gathering weeds. we happened to have a bunch of topsoil left from the truckload we bought for the garden, so over a month or two i barrowed it all across the yard and into this new space, lined it with hefty tree limbs that fell in a storm, and scattered these seeds about with some mulch. we'll see how well they come up this late in summer.

a recent sewing project - a clothespin bag! i had been leaving the clothespins out on the line, but my brand new bamboo pins were getting moldy too quickly for my taste, so i sewed up this over-the-shoulder bag to carry in and out with the laundry. my clothespins should last a lot longer now.

my ultimate clothespin dream is to learn enough about woodworking that i can start to carve my own (of the old school variety, of course... no metal hinges or springs). i have a feeling they would last longer and not break like these ones sometimes do.

still around

2010-08-02T01:54:00.000-04:00

i am still here, and still looking at this list every few days. i have pictures prepared for a number of posts. hopefully i will manifest the motivation to actually post here in the next few days. wish me luck!

p.s. i ate the first cherry tomato from my garden today. and the peppers are turning orange. hooray!

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/use of fresh, wild herbs/tinctures

-making pants/making clothing

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-the view from laundry day

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-sustainable clothes washing

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-shampoo/deodorant/~~wipes~~/etc
-embroidering project (jeans)

stumbling into 1924

2010-08-02T01:44:00.000-04:00

two days before my birthday i went for a short bike ride into town to the local antique shop. our small town has a good half dozen antique shops, but one in particular is right on the main street and seemed the most accessible despite its only being open for five hours a week, saturdays from 12 to 5.

my goal was to scout out a nicely shaped pitcher and basin for washing (more on that later), and to vaguely look for a treadle sewing machine. i've been thinking very seriously about buying a sewing machine for some months now, and ultimately decided that if i were going to spend money on a good one, it might as well meet my needs sustainably as well - so i stopped looking at newfangled plug-in machines on the internet and started biking by the local antique shops, trying to figure out when the hell they were actually open.

the shop i went into had a wonderful assortment - of course it had jewelry and ornate dishware and rather showy items, as all such shops must... but it also had the useful things that i fall for instantly, like hand crank coffee grinders, old dairy churns, nice old pots and crockery, pitchers and basins (too expensive for me right now, though), and even planers and other hand tools. as i meandered through the shop, eyes straying upward and down, in and around old furniture and behind leaning canvases, my hand rested on the edge of two small drawers. my eyes strayed over a china set resting on a doily resting on some type of cabinet-table, and then down to a basket of fake flowers resting on... a metal foot pedal.

holy crap! i was touching a treadle sewing machine! what a surprise that was. sitting right in front of me, in all its glory. the wood was slightly blemished here and there, but overall the machine was still in working condition (minus a belt, which i was told was relatively easy to acquire). and so, for my birthday, i put a $20 deposit on a $100 treadle sewing machine.

now, one week and a day later, i have pooled my birthday monies, revisited the shop, asked a few quick questions of the kindly woman who runs the shop and found a leather belt for the thing, and paid and brought it home. it sits now in my office, a thing of the past bringing such a different feeling to this room that it makes my insides rather fluttery.

i searched around the internet tonight and found that what i have got is a singer model 66 (often called 'red eye' due to the two red ovals on the arm), made in 1924 in elizabeth, new jersey as part of a run of 35,000 such machines. wow. 1924, huh? that's older than my grandparents. what do you think?

growing and using fresh herbs - lemon basil water, and pesto

2010-07-27T23:08:00.000-04:00

i love herbs. i love having beautiful plants that smell so heavenly and are so useful both in my food and in my medicines. this year i seeded many different herbs, but so far have only had luck with my basils - lots of sweet genovese basil, and lemon basil as well. they're planted in between the tomatoes and peppers, and some in small patches by themselves, and i have harvested several shopping bags full of leaves already.

basil is great because you get to harvest so often throughout the season - it'll stop growing if you let it flower and go to seed, but if you harvest up to 40% of the plant before letting it flower, it'll keep branching and growing back until frost comes. so here are some pictures and a bit of detail on what i've done with my basil.

freshly harvested lemon basil. it's distinct with its matte, almost silvery leaves and light, lemon scent.

leaves picked off the stem and ready to be put into water with a bit of vodka for preservation.

leaves in water and a bit of vodka, sealed tight in a canning jar.

well, the jar looked pretty, but after two weeks it was too late for this project. the basil leaves turned rotten, and when i opened the jar it smelled like a diaper. yep, seriously - and no, i don't know why it specifically smelled like a diaper. it just did. so, there goes a jar full of lemon basil leaves out to compost... better luck next time, i hope.

chopping sweet genovese basil for pesto

a 'basil cake' - what is supposed to be formed when you smush your chopped leaves together with the knife, if you've chopped them small enough. this according to the recipe 'how to make pesto like an italian grandmother'. clearly mine isn't as fine as theirs, but eh - it worked.

i put the first batch of pesto into this ice cube tray to freeze for later. the next batch will be used on a homemade pizza for my birthday weekend.

and, here are the frozen pesto cubes, ready to be carefully placed (not touching each other) in a freezer bag until you're ready to grab a bit and toss it into your recipe. nux thinks i should have left them in the ice cube tray, but i want to see how they do like this. will report future findings later on.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/use of fresh, wild herbs/tinctures

-making pants/making clothing

-~~growing herbs in the garden~~

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-the view from laundry day

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-sustainable clothes washing

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-shampoo/deodorant/~~wipes~~/etc
-embroidering project (jeans)

addiction

2010-07-21T15:15:00.000-04:00

http://www.urbanscout.org/addiction-vs-rewilding/#more-569

i mentioned in a recent post my cycles of addiction - of feeling strong, eating healthy, doing productive and nourishing things, and then the fall through cravings into binge eating, lying around, depression, oversleeping, etc. urban scout posted recently about addiction, and the post was followed by a lot of insightful comments.

i experience similar reactions/addictions to those folks mentioned in the comments... feeling isolated because i don't want to keep up with new music, sports, or pop culture references; feeling isolated because sharing my struggles to live differently puts people on the defensive; feeling isolated even inside myself because the addicted part of me still rebels and wants to be modern and wasteful, while voices in my head scorn me for slothful and wasteful decisions.

why does it feel so hard to reach out? why does it feel so hard to open up and imagine that there may be others nearby who would spend constructive time with me? and when will the path open up that allows me to buy some land, so that i can build a life that cuts out the addictive bits of society that are so damaging?

that's my method - isolation from addictions. i can quit cold turkey no problem if i am kept physically far away from the things i crave, if i'm pressured (even subliminally) toward healthier actions, and kept distracted by positive things. i went for two entire months without sugar at one point, and with nearly no baked goods in my diet. it threw my body completely out of whack, and was the most climactic point in the beginning of my shift toward health.

i want to live primitively because it makes it easier for me to be healthy. i can't use electricity (and consume and support coal-mining as a result) if i live somewhere with no power. i can't support fluoridated water if i only have rain catchment. i can't eat pounds and pounds of brownie and cake batter and cookie dough if the nearest store is ten miles away, and i can't use up weird chemicals through air conditioning, can't watch manipulative commercially-marketed tv shows if there's no electricity! i can't waste all that plastic packaging and support industrial agriculture if town is far away, if my garden is closer and easier to harvest, if my neighbors share the harvest from their livestock in exchange for work. i wouldn't support the creation of vinyl siding, asphalt shingles, chemical-laden carpets and paints and furniture if i lived in a sculpted cob home.

i could go on for well over an hour with the list of things i want to avoid, the list of things i don't want to support, of things i feel addicted to and guilty about. i guess it's largely irrelevant at the moment, because the larger struggle is

how do i thrive in the meantime, working in a corrupt and destructive system, to save enough money to buy that land?

crescent moon scarification

2010-07-13T17:03:00.000-04:00

for about two years now i've been considering having crescent moon designs on my wrists. i knew pretty quickly that i didn't want them done as tattoos. the idea of having a needle shoved into my skin lots of times, the expense, trusting another artist, and the look achieved all worked together to help me realize that i did not, in fact, want these moons done as tattoos.

what are my other options? well, i was used to having scars, and i like the way they look. my nails are really sharp even when they're trimmed short, and so i thought maybe i could just carve the designs with my nails. that turned out to be hard even at the best of times (i tried to create the designs in short spurts over those two years), and didn't seem like a very sanitary method, nor even as precise as i would have liked.

then last fall i met two friends who had burned beautifully shaped hearts onto their torsos. they looked really nice - like a white tattoo or a very clean scar. i asked my friend how he had done it, and he said they had just bent a wire clothes hanger into the shape they wanted, held it over the burner on their stove, and burned each other. ouch! their heart designs were pretty big (i'd say 3-4" across), and that looked painful.

but i wanted my moons to be very small. and i'm used to shaping wire and working with wire, so that made me feel more comfortable with the idea. if you get this done professionally it's called branding, and the alternative form of scarification is to have a professional cut the design into your skin and then peel the top layer of skin off to cause a noticeable scar. OUCH! no thanks! besides, i had tried to cut myself a few times before to make these designs, and could never bring myself to break the skin. too hard.

so last week i finally did it. i went back and forth in my head for a long time about whether i should cut the design out of metal or just shape the outline with wire. i tried cutting a metal jar lid, but it proved too thick for my wire cutters. then i tried sketching the designs out on the inside of a soda can, but quickly scrapped the idea when i held a lighter to the can and watched the metal curl and burn. that definitely would not have been safe!

ultimately, i decided to go with the wire that i'm familiar with - 20 gauge galvanized steel, carefully shaped as close as possible to the moons that i wanted. once i had the wire shaped, i heated it up with a lighter and tested the design on a poor wilting basil leaf to see how it would look. it looked great! next, i heated it up again and tested it on the bottom of my foot, on the super super callused part below my big toe. i didn't feel a thing, and the shape was perfect.

okay. time to face the music. i positioned my arm so that it was stable and not flexed or stretched in a weird way. i flicked on the lighter, held the shaped steel wire in the flame for a good few seconds, dropped the lighter, positioned the wire... ouch! damn, it is hot when you burn yourself! ha. no kidding! i got okay coverage from that first burn, but placed it back on the exact spot (for very brief moments!) a few more times to make sure it really got burned in there.

then i did it all over again on the inside of my wrist. the moons were puffy and white that night, and red all around. even though they scar better if you don't treat them with anything, i did put some of my burn salve on them to help them calm down. over the next few days they went from looking irritated and red, to scabbing. i don't know yet how well they'll scar - we'll see. i may choose to burn them again, either to make the scar more visible or to shape the moons more carefully. and i want to do my right wrist as well at some point.

but for now, i'm pretty happy. i think they'll look good when they're all healed up. and more subtle than most tattoos, which was my goal. hooray!

side note for concerned friends: please do not worry. i am not a cutter or self mutilator. i didn't do this because i want to hurt myself, only because i wanted a specific design, just like folks who get tattoos. promise.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-~~herb harvesting~~/infusions/use of fresh, wild herbs/tinctures

-making pants/making clothing

-growing herbs in the garden

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-~~burn salve~~

-~~scarification~~

-the view from laundry day

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-sustainable clothes washing

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-shampoo/deodorant/~~wipes~~/etc
-embroidering project (jeans)

making herbal salves

2010-07-13T16:22:00.000-04:00

i work in a restaurant these days, and often have to stick my arms and hands near very very hot metal. needless to say, people get burnt. though i don't support people getting burnt on purpose or anything, it did make me happy that i could help after the fact with my lavender burn salve.

remember those herb infused oils i made back in the fall? yeah, well, they need to get used up. i only used a very little bit of the lemon balm oil and the lavender oil to make lip balm for myself and a bit of burn salve for a friend. so now i've got these four jars of delicious smelling oil and nothing to do with them.

enter burned friends at work. i mentioned to one that i could bring her in a salve that would help her hand heal, and she was thrilled! awesome. so i went home, mixed up a quick batch, and by the end of the night i had made her split it with another guy in the kitchen who'd burnt his finger really badly about two weeks before. a few days later, his finger was healing beautifully even though the wound had refused to close until then.

last night i decided i should just use up the rest of those oils and make a bunch of salve. in case you want to make your own someday, here's how it works -

grate or finely chop a good handful of beeswax. i got mine from a craft store a year ago, but it'd be better to get it from a local beekeeper if possible (check your local farmer's market). use a little kitchen scale to see how many ounces of infused oil you have, and then pour the oil into a glass or stainless steel pan on low to medium-low heat.

you want beeswax to make up 20% of the total mixture for a nice, spreadable salve, so measure that out on the scale (based on how much oil you had in the last step) and then dump it into the pan where the oil is warming up. stir gently until all the wax is completely melted.

at this point you'll want your containers all lined up and ready. you can use any type of container, really - plastic, metal, glass... i'm using empty altoid tins that my Mom found for me on freecycle. i washed them out thoroughly, of course. they should be completely dry before you pour in the salve.

now turn off your burner and carefully pour the oil/wax mix into your containers. clean the pan and spatula quickly before the wax hardens and makes it a pain in the butt.

let your containers of salve cool for a while (it should only be ten minutes or so before it's cool enough to pick up without spilling). it helps to leave them open to the air to let it really harden to its final consistency.

close them up and label them with the ingredients and date created. infused oils are generally safe for about six months, and i suggest using up your salve in about six months if possible, although if it's sealed tightly it's probably fine for a good while.

apply liberally to cuts, burns, dry skin, chapped lips, etc for all sorts of herbal healing and nourishment!

drying mullein for herbal infusions

2010-07-13T16:03:00.000-04:00

back at the end of june i harvested some mullein near a local trail. i cut four stems, each about 4-5' tall, and hung them upside down from the curtain rod in my office. they needed to be in a dark-ish place to dry, and my office doesn't get direct sunlight, so it was perfect. it had the added bonus of looking totally awesome, and made me feel special and witchy to have huge herbs hanging over my desk.

today i took the mullein down and crunched the dry leaves into two quart jars for storage. if i had really crumbled the leaves it probably would have all fit into one jar, but i was lazy about it. i had to wash my hands and arms afterward (and the counter, too) because mullein's fuzzy hairs are a bit irritating to the skin.

the funny thing about mullein is that its most prominent feature - its fuzziness - causes irritation to the throat and skin if ingested/touched. but when it's used as an infusion or salve, and those fuzzy hairs are filtered out, it's incredibly beneficial to the throat, lungs, and skin. pretty weird, huh?

anyway. i'm excited to have harvested and dried my first batch of mullein. the bit that i harvested back in the spring is now a beautiful, deep-colored tincture, sitting in a dark drawer. i don't know what i'll use that for yet.

one day hopefully i'll harvest a bunch of mullein flowers, and make an infused oil out of them. mullein flower oil is really great for ear infections and general ear health. yeah, you actually put it in your ear! i bet that feels super strange.

veggies in the garden

2010-07-13T01:09:00.000-04:00

i've been keeping a keen eye on the first fruits to ripen in the garden.

of the row of healthy, happy beet starts that i transplanted, one in particular plant has withstood adversity and is getting close to harvest time. something (birds?) repeatedly snapped stems and ravaged leaves of my poor little row of beets, but this one plant has hung in there. every so often i wriggle my fingers into the soil to feel how big it is underneath. right now it's about two inches across. i don't know how much longer i'll wait before i use it. luckily, i've sown two more rows of beets since that first planting.

i watched our tomato plants, and watched them, and watched them some more. they started blossoming pretty quickly after planting, but it took what seemed like eternity for the first fruits to emerge.

i watched this first little one for days, and now all of a sudden there are nearly a dozen popping out here and there.

the squash plants have had a weird time of it. i transplanted four starts that had a good run indoors before being moved to the garden. only two of them made it (i suspect foul play from birds/critters), and one took about a week longer to really gather its bearings and start getting bigger. a little while later, i seeded three more little squash hills, hoping they would fill out the area with their growth. one sprouted right away, and another got mysteriously scooted about three feet away and sprouted right next to a lemon basil seedling, very close to a tomato plant and the two more mature squash plants.

long story short, all the squash plants are very different ages, and so it took awhile for there to be enough blooms for them to pollinate each other. but finally three of the plants are blooming, and the first few squash are well on their way. one, in fact, needs to be harvested right now! now i just have to figure out what to do with it.

the 'stuff to post about' list:

-herb harvesting/infusions/use of fresh, wild herbs/tinctures

-making pants/making clothing

-growing herbs in the garden

-~~growing veggies, garden details~~

-my work vs. hogwarts

-burn salve

-scarification

-the view from laundry day

-awesome natural builder blogs

-the search for land/money/building credit

-dental health/sustainable toothcare

-sustainable clothes washing

-sustainable home/dishes/cleaning

-shampoo/deodorant/~~wipes~~/etc
-embroidering project (jeans)

how i wipe my butt

2010-07-12T15:14:00.000-04:00

i wipe my butt with flannel. pretty luxurious, i know. i've been using cloth toilet wipes for over a year now (although for much of that time i was using them 'on and off'), and i really enjoy it more than using toilet paper.

what's the issue with toilet paper? i'll leave that to the folks with details - here's the most recent 'cloth wipe challenge' from crunchy chicken, complete with details on why normal toilet paper is unsustainable.

for me, it's a matter of having one less thing to buy at the store. i wear through my flannel shirts eventually, wearing out the elbows, and tearing the side seams while acting like i can fly. and so i cut them up into rectangles and sew them up into little wipes. it takes about 12 minutes per wipe, sewing by hand (that's a 2-ply flannel wipe, sewed on three sides, flipped inside out, and then sewed around completely. i always double-thread my needle, too, so it ends up pretty sturdy).

a lot of people are grossed out by using wipes for poop. that's fine. start using them just for pee and see how you feel about it. folks also wonder how you wash wipes, and where you keep them until wash day without making your house stink. here's what i do -

i got this tall basket from my Mom a few months ago. it didn't have a lid, so i cut a piece of thick cardboard to the shape i needed, and then sewed a nice corduroy cover for it. i secured this to the basket by tying it to the handle in two places with brown ribbon. i figured a thick fabric over cardboard would do a decent job trapping any icky smells inside the basket. (and it totally does! no nasty smells noticed so far, not even by my girlfriend, who has a very keen nose)

then, i took some random fabrics and made a basket liner that folds over the top of the basket. it's two layers of fabric and the seams are really sturdy. this basket liner holds all the 'used' wipes until my day off rolls around, when i take the whole liner (now a convenient laundry bag) outside for washing.

i squirt some dr. bronner's castile soap into a bucket with hot water (i used to boil it, now i just use hot), toss all the dirty wipes in along with the fabric wipe bag, and swoosh it all around in the water for a few minutes to let them soak. then i wash each wipe, rubbing it along a glass washboard a dozen or so times until it seems sufficiently clean. and no, the poop doesn't stain. awesome, huh?

once all the wipes have been hand washed, i rinse them in cold water and hang them out on the line to dry. i have tried washing my wipes in a washing machine before, and they did Not seem clean enough to me. besides, i've heard that even Without putting wipes into the washer, folks have found traces of fecal matter all over the insides of those things! gross! oh, and i wash the wipes in a little 3-gallon bucket. i don't fill it up all the way... for washing and rinsing Total i probably use less than 2 gallons of water. and, it just gets dumped in the yard when i'm done, which i feel is better than putting it through our water systems. (that's a rant for another post, though).

another note - whenever i use normal toilet paper now (at work, traveling, etc) it feels kind of gross. toilet paper, even a goodly amount, isn't the same as flannel, and my hands always feel more icky after wiping with paper these days. like i'm more likely to get pee or poop on them that way. of course, hand washing is recommended no matter what you're wiping with. but it seems relevant to mention that flannel wipes, to me, feel more sanitary.

here are links to older posts about using cloth wipes:

september 2009 - cloth wipe challenge

october 2009 - workshops, toilet wipes, and more

october 2009 - toilet paper free!

december 2009 - keeping busy

post ideas - let's squeeze some of this juice out

2010-07-12T01:38:00.001-04:00

there are a lot of things going on that i've wanted to share. things in my head, things on the interwebs, things in the real world nearby me... all sorts of things. i'm going to start with this one in particular, and then end with a list. hopefully the list will encourage me to post about more of these subjects in the coming days.

seed to seed - growing challenge, from one green generation

i just noticed (eight months late, i know) that one green generation linked to my blog from this post, about the results of the 'seed to seed' challenge. i signed up for the challenge in 2009, from northeastern missouri. how did i do? well...

i emptied out over two dozen seed packets into our gardens there. we harvested two wheelbarrows full of produce in two late-summer trips to the gardens, and i brought vases of flowers to friends and allowed neighbors to come by and harvest while i was gone. as far as Seed, i gathered a few seeds from our four o clocks (variety 'marvel of peru') and many seeds from my favorite marigolds, 'scarlet brocade', a french type marigold. i've sown many of those seeds in my gardens this year already, and still have more saved up in jars for future plantings.

marigold seeds, harvested in 2007.

not only that, but the seed that i sowed Last year was saved from the previous year, which was saved from the year Before! i started with a fresh packet of seeds from southern exposure in 2007, and planted them first in my mom's backyard in richmond, virginia. i watered them faithfully every day while they were sprouting, and then they grew lush and beautiful throughout the summer and fall. i harvested a huge bowl full of seeds, and passed a good chunk of that harvest on to family and friends as christmas gifts (i poured seeds into small, beautiful jars, complete with a poem on how to plant them). the rest i saved and planted in 2008 at acorn, along the walking path to the barn, where i slept. these were harvested again later in the year, and saved for planting in missouri in 2009. 2010 brings us to kansas, where i've sown many handfuls in my gardens, though i haven't seen any sprouts yet.

a marigold blooming in my missouri garden, 2009

i know the seeds are viable because i also seeded many handfuls at my grandfather's house in pennsylvania, while i was visiting my grandmother during her last days battling cancer. my grandfather first taught my mother how to grow and save seed from marigolds, and she told me about them as a child after i read about gardening in 'little women' and later on, when i lived at acorn community in virginia.

so really, for me this has been grandfather to seed to flower to mother to daughter to seed company to seed to garden to seed to family and gardens to seed to other gardens, to seed and more gardens and back to the grandfather.

pictures languishing

2010-07-12T01:11:00.000-04:00

okay, okay. there are photos of the garden languishing in the secret magical places in my camera, and i ought to share a few. i've been up down, up, down again a lot lately, mostly thanks to sugar addiction and a job that smushes my heart (and not in the good way). it goes something like this...

-at some point, after working hard or feeling worn out, i want to give myself a treat. chemical imbalances tell me to go for sweets
-i buy some sweets and gorge myself, often while watching a documentary or reading
-about halfway through the sweets-eating, my body starts to yell at me that this is bad for me and i should stop
-i continue anyway, for some odd reason - either a programmed notion that i should 'finish what i start' or some sick sort of self-sabotage
-i either sit and rot on the couch a while longer (possibly watching a feel good movie or indulging in a novel) or get up and try to do something 'productive'
-productive usually means the garden, or some laundry, or some research into simpler lifeways. i get something positive done, and feel great about it for awhile
-and then i go back to work, or just get worn out again, or feel vaguely in a 'funk', and it starts all over again

during the higher points of this cycle i'm envisioning the life i want to lead, researching various ways to care for myself and my home in a simpler, more sustainable way, and feeling capable. i use my flannel toilet wipes and wash my laundry by hand and dream of photojournaling "the view from laundry day", as i inevitably come across something beautiful every time i set aside the ten, twenty, or at most thirty minutes it takes to forgo the machine and do it by hand. i pick back up a sewing project, teaching myself to make my own clothing, as bumpy a path as it may be. i go out to the garden and sow seeds, harvest leaves, and welcome newly sprouted plants into the world. i send letters to friends on once-used paper and in handmade envelopes. i look up land prices and feel torn between looking for land in kansas or in virginia. sometimes i brew up herbal infusions or make a salad, or eat something healthy to counter the prior sugar binge.

during the lower points in the cycle i see where others are in their quest for sustainable living, and i feel so stunted, so restrained by the need for money and land that i cry, and dream of digging the foundation for my own little home, and i wonder when that time will come for me. i look at a stain on my clothing and realize i am not always attentive at the laundry basin. i take up my sewing project and realize it will require sizable alteration that i'm not yet prepared to tackle. i look at the garden and feel that my plantings need more attention, more knowledge, more mulch (which requires scything, or oil use), and lament that the gardens are not bigger and providing of more sustenance. i think of all the friends and relatives who have not received letters from me, all the tasks and hours that i could be putting into my businesses to bring me closer to a sustainable future. i find myself at work again and hear my subconscious wondering how the hell i got here, Again. i look through the kitchen cabinets, fretting and petulant that fresh, healthy food requires work and effort.

in my heart and my idealistic mind, i wish i had the dedication to do a bit of each thing every day - to write one letter a day, do one personal ritual to nourish myself, cook a healthy meal for myself, do a bit of work for my businesses, tend the garden - basically, take one step each in many areas of my life that i want to evolve. but in reality, my moods and motivations come in waves, in cycles that ebb and flow by the week, or even month. and i find that some projects languish while others flourish, some friends keep popping into my mind while the odd letter patiently awaits a response. and the whole while, my socially-conditioned inner voice is condemning and reminding me of all that i should do and ought to do and should have done. it's hard to find that middle space, that balancing point between extremes. i suppose i'm getting there. two steps forward, one step back. dancing my way toward the dream.

and now, for some photographs to make up for all those large, dense paragraphs of personal drama.

wouldn't you know it, our driveway tends to sprout edible wild herbs. here's some happy violet all bunched up and thriving.

a bean sprout in the garden. it can't be more than two days old, and look at all that growth! this makes me smile. i built a 7' tall bean tipi out of limbs that fell during a storm.

peppers! holy crap! i saw a bunch of beautiful little blossoms, and then one day noticed about Seven peppers on each plant. i got these starts from the farmers market in manhattan. i forget what type they are, but they're supposed to be sweet. i have no idea what color they're supposed to be when they're ripe.

sweet world, the first squash. i love how one squash plant can make your garden look like its own little jungle.

cherry tomatoes are my summertime solution to a quick snack. i am so happy they're finally fruiting... they've been blooming for a good week and a half.

me in the garden. i like shadows, and felt awful smart in my cowgirl hat, loose, light long-sleeved shirt (for optimal mosquito protection) and incredible striped socks (more mosquito protection).

lamb's ears, thriving in the front garden bed. i got a few cuttings from a very kind lady in manhattan through freecycle. i love love love lamb's ears. i am just smitten with their texture, it brings my soul so much joy.

mint! thank you spirits of germination, there is mint in my garden. i transplanted these as tiny tiny sprouts from a newspaper pot. they seem rather close to spearmint. i have scattered many more seeds nearby and am waiting for them to flourish and conquer so that i may harvest with abandon. peppermint iced tea rocks my world in the summer time.

i harvested this mullein near a local trail. the stalks are over 4' long and are now drying in my office, hanging from the curtain rods. i just bought canning jars so i have some place to put the dried, crushed leaves. mullein leaves as an infusion are great for lungs/coughs/allergies and general health.

and of course, the lovable franny/francis/francesca, enjoying her second-ever trip to the dog park with her friend ollie. boy was she pooped afterwards!! she is now five months old.

up to lately

2010-07-01T16:46:00.000-04:00

what've i been up to lately? lots of gardening. moving mulch, pulling up landscaping fabric and black plastic, moving wheelbarrows full of dirt, sowing flower and herb seeds, watering veggies, smelling basil, admiring Teeny tiny tomatoes and squash, scything and mulching, and praying to the gods and goddesses of germination.

i've also been reading 'guerilla gardening' (http://www.guerillagardening.org/) alongside work and cleaning up our house for when nux's parents stop by this weekend for a visit. we Finally got a bookshelf (a nice big one, too!) so nux got to unload a few boxes of books this morning, after months of delay. i'm keeping an eye out for more - we could fill another two bookshelves, for sure (especially with all my crafty stuff and all the books i've been making in the past months).

not much else going on. just work, and keeping up with laundry and the pup and trying to eat healthy. i've been making herbal infusions (red clover, nettles) pretty often, and eating salads and healthy wraps with cherry tomatoes (store bought, for now). and i'm trying Really hard not to eat dairy for a while - at least cheese and milk. i still eat a tiny bit of butter now and then, and i'm considering yogurt and goat cheese to be okay. i'm just way too addicted to cow's milk and cheese. i have a feeling they're making my menstrual cycles more of a pain, too.

what have you been up to? any gardening, harvesting, exploring?

work, work, and more work

2010-06-18T16:09:00.000-04:00

the title pretty much sums it up. i've been working a lot, although less than last month (thank goodness!), and when i'm not working my official job i'm designing and editing calendars, making books, and posting all sorts of business-y goodness online.

and of course there's the requisite snuggling with my lady and our lil pup. franny pup got spayed yesterday, so we're snuggling her extra good and making sure she gets a lot of rest. we've been going on a lot of long walks with her lately, but will have to take a break while she heals up.

the garden is coming along well despite three days of torrential downpours. we bought tomato transplants (8 of em, 2 types of cherry) from a local greenhouse after all but one of our transplants bit the dust. we got pepper starts from the manhattan farmers market and from friends, as well. and all of our basil starts are shooting up, with some help from us in the form of mulch and tlc. i also seeded a bunch of flowers and a salad mix, and at least a bunch of the zinnias and a few sunflowers are sprouting, along with a handful of beets - we'll see how many actually make it (fingers crossed!).

i haven't taken many pictures lately other than those of my books, but here's one of the lilies that's been blooming in our front yard. beautiful! =) and there's miss franny, getting bigger every day (she weighs nearly 22 pounds now!).

a few pictures

2010-05-28T01:18:00.000-04:00

i'm finally stealing a spare moment (well, not really spare. i should be sleeping) to post a few pictures here. i'm still working my butt off, but my sweet lady mowed the lawn yesterday and i only have one shift at work for the next three days, so my time will be more agreeably spent. with that in mind, i've uploaded a batch of photos to flickr (last night) and have named and sorted them (tonight). here are just three. you can go to my flickr page to see the rest.

fruit tree blossoms (apple maybe) at dancing rabbit eco-village in missouri

mullein leaves that i harvested from my red earth garden for tincture. i am decanting the tincture tonight, on the full moon!

a lion totem doll, made for my baby cousin ian. it has an embroidery floss mane and braided tail. i love it! i think i will have to make one for myself.

over a month

2010-05-27T00:46:00.000-04:00

the last month has been so unimaginably busy for me. i...

-traveled to missouri and cleaned up our plot at red earth, came back,
-trained and started working at a new restaurant in town (7-8 shifts/week)
-made a new tincture and dried herbs for tea,
-planned my first advertisement in a magazine,
-traveled to visit my grandmother during her last days fighting cancer,
-started sewing goddess/totem dolls,
-scythed the yard multiple times
-completely built and planted a raised bed veggie garden,
-finally completely patched my favorite and rattiest pair of jeans,
-sewed a sturdy new basket liner for my toilet wipes,
-got a kansas license,
-and So much more.

i am exhausted. i have wanted very badly to have free time for blogging, for uploading pictures, and for creating and uploading updates for my businesses, but there has literally been time only for the most necessary work, eating, and sleep. but i am still here, and still mostly happy, and i promise i will post some pictures and exciting and beautiful and inspiring stories soon.

i hope you're enjoying the end of spring, wherever you are. take pictures of the flowers before they change - you'll regret it if you don't.

april showers

2010-04-23T00:33:00.000-04:00

a violet waiting to bloom. violet flowers are edible and nutritious, and the fresh leaves can be made into an infusion for colds and sore throats.

we're all moved in, and getting into a routine with our sweet (and often ornery) little puppy franny. we've got netflix 'watch instantly' hooked up to our big tv for relaxing after work, and the local utilities have flagged our yard so we know which parts of the garden will need to be path. the seedlings are straining out of their pots toward the sun, just waiting to be planted, and there's a long, low pile of native stone just waiting to be shaped into garden bed borders.

beautiful blooming dandelion. also edible. the leaves and root can be tinctured for all sorts of things.

while all that's been going on, i've visited red earth, cleaned up our leasehold, gotten our land deposit back, spent quality time with friends, started training at a new job, written up a spring newsletter to mail out to snail-mail friends, and gotten free prints through snapfish, which i'll use to fancy up aforementioned newsletter. i've also made half a dozen new books, and will soon be making books with covers that feature prints of my photographs, which i'm really excited about. i think they'll make great garden journals.

sweet franny-pup. she's a snuggler, but unfortunately emits the most offensive farts i have ever smelled.

i've been taking baby steps toward sustainability, getting back on track using my flannel wipes more often (i had gotten lazy during the move and went for about two weeks on normal toilet paper) and exploring new shampoo options. i have been shampooing with dr. bronner's for about two years or more, but my hair was often flaky and for some reason was especially fluffy the day after washing, which i think looks pretty silly when it's this short. so, after reading up time and again over at one green generation, i decided to try the baking soda route. you're supposed to rinse with vinegar, but i was apprehensive about that because of the smell, and thought i'd wait until i had some herbs to harvest when i could make an herb-infused vinegar for the rinse.

violet and dandelion, spring-flowering medicinal and wild herbs that have made friends in my yard

well, the baking soda wash worked well and left my hair less flaky right away. i used that a handful of times in the past several weeks, and just two days ago i caved and used normal white vinegar (you're supposed to use organic white or apple cider) as the rinse, and Oh My Gosh... it felt so good! my hair never felt so silky without using nasty and mysterious chemicals. it was wonderful. and there's no flakiness to speak of, And no second-day-fluffiness. i am thrilled, and totally sold on the concept. you should give it a try! it's pretty fun, to boot.

beautiful orange and yellow tulips blossoming in our front yard

anyway, enough talk. here are some luscious photos for you to enjoy, of our first two weeks in the new house. more to come of my trip to missouri (though it was less colorful there when i went, so don't expect much!).

seedlings and spring blooms

2010-04-07T13:09:00.000-04:00

moving, moving, moving... that's all we've been doing for the past week and a half. well, that, and trying to earn as much money as we can, and starting seedlings, and getting a new puppy, and !!!! okay, so we've been doing a lot. and spring has been busy waking up the plants around here at the same time, so i'm a week behind on what's blooming out here. in just two days the forsythia bushes went from bare to bursting with yellow, the redbuds went from tight, deep colored buds to vibrant fuschia blooms, and daffodils are everywhere and tulips are on the way.

here are some blooms from the moving days.

beet sprouts after six days. i love how vivid they are!

a tree outside our apartment leafing out. it only took two days to go from buds to this!

the neighbor with the crocuses had daffodils by the end of march.

then i walked down the street and found this red bud preparing to bloom.

then 'round the block, a neighbor's forsythia was suddenly covered in yellow!

on the way to the grocery store, this spot of red caught my eye, and i stopped to investigate.

in their street corner garden, i found a beautiful red bulb and - more daffodils!

heading home once again, i spotted these Teeny tiny grape hyacinths by the road.

something weird happened with this picture, but i kind of like it!

and finally, that very same day of many flowers, we got to pick out a puppy!!!! nux's favorite was the brown and white girl in the back.

march 31st turned out to be a great day. beautiful weather, puppy visiting, flowers blooming everywhere, and - i went to the new olive garden and applied for a job, and was hired on the spot! whew *wipes brow* that takes some stress off!

sunbathing squirrel

2010-03-27T23:32:00.000-04:00

yesterday i went out onto our balcony to soak up a bit of sun. it was a brisk spring day, but once i got into the sunlight it felt wonderful. then i noticed... a squirrel! i know, not unusual. but this one was Lying Down on a branch nearby. it knew i was there, i hadn't been particularly quiet. and it stared at me, and continued to sunbathe, its chin resting on the branch, tail blowing in the cool breeze.

i have never seen a squirrel be so still for so long. it laid there for well over an hour, and then switched places, and laid on another branch for an hour or two more. incredible! the sun must have felt Really good. it didn't look hurt at all when it did move around, so i assume it must have been sunbathing! what do you think? have you ever seen a squirrel lie around all afternoon?

seed starting

2010-03-26T00:42:00.000-04:00

today i made some time for my beautiful beautiful seed stash and made a job out of gettin' my hands dirty. i pulled out the box o' seed packets, my garden journal, the seed starting mix, pen, water, bowl, and newspaper pots, and got to work.

i sat on our warm, sunny balcony, separated out which seeds to start now, and then poured a very fluffy mix into a big bowl for moistening. my hands squelched and squeezed until the mixture absorbed the water evenly, getting it ready for those tiny seeds that'll need lots of love and nourishment.

then into the paper pots it went (newspaper pots, by the way! completely free! please let me know if you'd like to learn how to make them. i may post a video on youtube soon, but if not i'd be happy to show you over webcam! way easier than spending money on plastic pots that you'll have to store and clean every year). once the pots were 2/3 full i pushed the soil down a bit and found it pleasantly springy.

and then out with the journal, lists, pen, and seeds. each little paper pot was marked with the initials of the variety it contained, and a little diagram went into my journal for remembering later.

in case you're wondering, here's what i got started today (obviously not the full list from before - most of those things will be directly sown once we're at the new house in wamego).

tomatoes: german red strawberry (big meaty tomato), zarnita (medium sized, early pink), lollipop (yellow, largeish cherry tomato - delicious!), matt's wild cherry (tiny red cherry, SUPER tasty)
peppers: king of the north (haven't grown it yet), corno di toro (red sweet pepper, horn shaped), kevin's early orange (sweet bell)
squash: yellow crookneck (pretty standard, tasty when very small)
beets: early wonder, detroit dark red (haven't grown beets before)
lettuce: bronze mignonette, jericho romaine, anuenue, deer tongue, buttercrunch (have grown deer tongue and buttercrunch, but left the harvests to my family. haven't grown any of the others, so no idea how these will all taste! i'm excited)
greens: red ursa kale (haven't grown it before), long standing bloomsdale spinach (tasty in salads!!!!!)
herbs: peppermint (I LOVE PEPPERMINT. i'm really curious to see how the flavor of these little seedlings will turn out), anise-hyssop (So good for tea, and i have a feeling it'll be great for salves), sweet genovese basil (pesto!), lemon basil (Heavenly scented flowers), english munstead lavender (i can Always use more fresh lavender in my life)

there they are in my little journal, all mapped out and coded. i wrote down the date, veg, variety, where in the tray it is, and how many seeds i put per pot.

and here they are, soaking up a bit of afternoon warmth before i bring them inside! hooray! babies on the way! i love gardening. i am so glad i moved to acorn back in 2007, so glad i forced myself to eat vegetables and so glad i learned more about herbs, and bulbs, and seed starting. only from this perspective that took four years to build do i now remember how much peace i found weeding my mom's garden back when i was young, when her tulips and hyacinths brought vivid life to our yard every spring, when weeding was relaxing and a time for connection. even though she and i are states away, i'm glad we can video chat and both watch each other's garden grow.

awesome eco village needs your support!

2010-03-25T08:42:00.000-04:00

hey friends,

dancing rabbit, the ecovillage that i lived down the road from in the spring, is having a pedal-powered blog-a-thon for 24 hours starting tomorrow afternoon (March 26). yes, pedal-powered! as in, biking to power the computer to power the blogging to power the community! take a look here: sustainablog - and if you're ready to donate early, here's the dancing rabbit donation page.

here are a few photos from dancing rabbit in the fall of 2008.

home made out of salvaged wood

skyhouse, a sub-community powered with solar panels

a shed with a beautiful door

beautiful clouds at sunset

tamar's house, beautifully colored with natural paints

the milkweeds' beautiful home

beautiful wooden shakes adorn the new mercantile building

awesome double-apartment made from a grain bin

dancing rabbits in a garden at dancing rabbit

garden planning

2010-03-23T01:47:00.000-04:00

we're just days away from moving into our new home in wamego, kansas, and so i've got newspaper pots all lined up and ready for seed starting. i thought i'd share what i'll be sowing this year in case you're interested. if you'd like to hook up with the awesome seed business i've been working for, check them out on facebook! they just created a page a few days ago, so you can become their fan! here's the link - southern exposure seed exchange on facebook.

okay. so in my garden i'll grow... (links go to product pages at southern exposure... most have pictures! and some of the pictures are even from my garden!)

lettuce: bronze mignonette, jericho romaine, deer tongue, buttercrunch, anuenue, limestone bibb
greens: red ursa kale and long standing bloomsdale spinach
squash: yellow crookneck
tomatoes: german red strawberry, lollipop, matt's wild cherry, zarnitsa
peppers: king of the north, corno di toro, kevin's early orange
beets: early wonder, detroit dark red
carrots: haven't got seed yet
peas/beans: maybe black coco dry bean, maybe white acre cowpea, maybe others

herbs!
english munstead lavender, lemon bergamot, garlic chives, common sage, echinacea, yellow echinacea, mullein, calendula resina, peppermint, cumin, motherwort, sweet genovese basil, lemon basil, eritrean basil, anise-hyssop

flowers!
yellow torch tithonia, tina james' magic evening primrose, memories of mona cosmos, giant imperial mixed colors larkspur, state fair zinnia, mammoth russian sunflower, moonflower, cardinal flower, nicotiana, early sensation mixed colors cosmos, marvel of peru four o clocks, rose moss portulaca, black hollyhock, scarlet o' hara morning glory, przemko poppy

can you tell i'm excited? heh. i want to grow even more herbs... we'll see how many i actually get in the earth and growing. hopefully many! and hopefully i can mix these three sections into several beautiful and functional garden beds. i have a space in the back end of the yard by the shed in mind for sunflowers and pole beans... i don't know where i'll have space for all these herbs, but i'll have to find some! maybe a bed along the driveway?

alright, now i haven't posted the 'independence days challenge' update since the 8th, so i'm catching up:

1. Plant something - made paper pots, bought seed starting mix, chose varieties to grow
2. Harvest something - harvested sunshine on a few nice days. sun on my skin makes me feel great.
3. Preserve something - nada
4. Waste Not - efficiently using every last bit of fresh food we've got. still waiting for that new compost pile
5. Want Not - remembered that i could make paper pots instead of buying flats, looked up a simple shampoo alternative for future sustainability steps, dreamed up ways to make tiny changes that will make my life feel more rich and full
6. Build Community Food Systems - showed my mom how to make paper pots over the internet, offered info to others. looking forward to posting flyers and meeting other gardeners in my new home town.
7. Eat the Food - nux keeps making me these delicious salads... what more can i ask for? and thank goodness for local hothouse tomatoes! they taste great!

new things!

2010-03-17T22:34:00.000-04:00

we got the house! we don't move in until april first, but we got it! i'm going to start seedlings in the next few days.

and i've made a bunch more books in the past few days. here's one of them, made from an empty triscuits box =) there are two triscuits books, because... i love triscuits. haha.

and, this is what i'm seeing around the neighborhood these days! i can't wait to have a yard of my own. flowers and herbs, here i come!

roller coaster

2010-03-11T16:42:00.000-05:00

oh, my goodness! the last two weeks have been a roller coaster, and the last few days even more so. nux and i have been trying to settle into our apartment in kansas, but as time wore on the situation with our housemate seemed more and more shaky. so we started looking - excitedly, but not with complete focus - at houses for rent, hoping to find a place with a yard (garden!) and space for a puppy to roam.

here's nux with another loveable dog, back in 2008

nux is set on the getting a puppy part. she has waited years and years, and so that's been one of our bottom-line requirements: must allow a dog. she's even stretched to consider a one year old dog if necessary, but really she wants a puppy so she can train it more fully from the get go.

so we were looking at houses on craigslist and in the newspaper, and i went and checked out a few while she was at work the other day. one of them turned out to be much more romantic and alluring in the daytime, when i could see its spacious yard, burbling creek and ample patio space. unfortunately, i called back to express our interest half a day too late - it had rented out the evening before. ugh!

cutest house we could ever afford! wait'll we get some garden going...

but - with some patting of backs and sad hugs, we called our next few places, looked at two together this morning, and two more i checked out on my own early this afternoon. one of them is in wamego (10-15 miles from manhattan), in a charming little neighborhood, and it is cute. i mean, little garden spaces all marked off with nice timbers, clean paint and a shapely tree out front, a driveway and garage And a shed out back, with room for a puppy to run around. and it comes with a washer and dryer, and has two bedrooms. it's at the top of our price range, but since we're looking for a place to grow into for (hopefully!) a few years, we'd much rather be somewhere that we'd be excited and eager to call home. and i think this place will really do the trick. now, as long as the land lord lets us garden...

spring bulbs are coming up!

really, it's looking up. i already saw bulbs poking out from one patch of garden, and the landlord okay'd the puppy option, so we're jumping at the bit. i won't see the inside of the house until 9:30 tonight, and if all goes well (fingers crossed!) i'll be writing a deposit check this very evening.

wish me luck!

independence days challenge

2010-03-08T21:24:00.000-05:00

i'm joining the 'independence days challenge' started by sharon astyk. it's in its third year, though this will be my first. i'm a bit late, but here's my report for the first week (march 1-7):

1. Plant something - dreamed of seeding lettuce by the window, stopped by westside market looking for seedling flats and seed starting mix, talked to a friend and heard of a good place to find those supplies

2. Harvest something - nope

3. Preserve something - nux froze bananas that we purchased for future smoothies

4. Waste Not - using up all the last bits of those salads. wish i had a composter

5. Want Not - looked up information on seed starting indoors without fancy equipment

6. Build Community Food Systems - posted flyer in natural foods store to see if anyone will let me share their yard for gardening

7. Eat the Food - ate fresh local hothouse tomatoes and organic lettuce in salads. hooray!